Marriage is a wonderful experience. The union between man and woman is one of the most beautiful opportunities and extensions of God's grace, not because of the things that we get, but because of what we can give.
I remember one night when I came home completely exhausted from a day full of meetings and classes. As I walked into our condominium unit, the first thing that greeted me was a pile of dishes on the kitchen sink and a wife lounging in the bedroom.
All of a sudden, I felt this surge of not-so-Christian thoughts come into me, and then my wife said something that almost made me blow my top: "Can you do the dishes tonight?" Fortunately, I agreed to do so but obviously in a begrudging manner.
As I got through half of the dishes and getting started on refilling the dishwashing liquid, I suddenly heard the Holy Spirit whisper into my ear, "What's bothering you?"
"I work hard all day and I come home to more work," I responded bitterly in my head. "I don't deserve this."
It was then that the Holy Spirit didn't have to say any more because I had realized something: I felt entitled to coming home to a dirty-dish-free home because I was out at work all day, when my wife -- who I later found out had a long day of her own -- deserved to have the same thing.
I realized at that moment how my heart was in the wrong place because I felt that I deserved more out of my marriage. I had forgotten that my marriage, my wife and the things she does for me are an extension of God's grace. We don't deserve grace. It is freely given.
Reciprocity is vital in relationships, but it can also be destructive. When marriages become too much about what spouses owe each other and less about what grace is extended between each other and what grace God extends to us to be able to enjoy the company, life, and service of one another, we are in trouble.
Our spouses, our God and the world do not owe us anything. If there is anything we deserve, it is death and punishment and life in complete isolation and loneliness. But God in His lavish grace gives us the gift of marriage, friendship, relationship and life even if it means having a dirty kitchen sink every now and then.
Ephesians 1:3 tells us, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places." Through Jesus Christ, we experience blessing to overflowing levels and sometimes we just don't see it because entitlement clouds our view of the grace we have received.
