So there's something you've noticed in a friend's life – whether it's an unhelpful attitude, unchecked habit or unhealthy fixation – and you think it's time you talked it over with them. How do you go about it without causing unnecessary offence? Here are a few thoughts:
Be sure why you're saying it
Before going anywhere near your friend, you need to check yourself. Why do you feel so strongly – is this something you need to deal with yourself, or something you genuinely think is necessary to talk about? Communication is important, but so are motives, so do some discerning before broaching the subject.
Imagine how you'd want it said to you
It can be pretty disconcerting, even hurtful, for a friend to bring up something you're struggling with, so make sure you're thinking of their feelings before you charge in. Listen more than you talk, have an open mind about their reaction, and definitely drop the judgemental attitude – that's not helpful for anyone.
Pray, pray, pray
Before, during and after the conversation. Ask for God's guidance, the presence of the Holy Spirit, and for prophetic words or words of knowledge. Paul's letter to the Ephesians tells them to speak the truth in love, so ask for help to be totally gracious and kind, and make sure you tell your friend how important they are to you before you begin.
Have a practice
There is no shame in working out what you want to say ahead of the game; even if it means speaking it out loud to yourself. It'll give you an idea of what your friend will hear, and will hopefully stop you from saying something that puts your foot in it, but don't hold on too tightly to your script.
Wait a couple of days
Don't rush in when tensions are high and you feel particularly strongly – give it some time and mull it over. Anything that's said in the heat of the moment usually comes with a tinge of regret, and you're more likely to be reasonable with a little bit of distance.
Invite them to have the conversation
Again, don't just charge in. Ask your friend if they're willing to talk to you, and if not – respect that, but ask if you can come back to them another time when they're ready. Let them know it's important that you speak, but give them space to come to terms with the idea.
Be willing to be wrong
Even if you're completely sure you're right about this, accept that you might not be. Don't hold on to preconceptions about how they will respond, but be open to what they say and always approach every conversation with humility.
