Forgiveness has never been and will never be easy for anyone to do. God doesn't expect it to be easy, but He does expect it to happen.
I often talk to people searching for healing in their journey through life only to find out that they still harbour a certain level of unforgiveness that is too obviously linked to their pain and suffering.
The old saying goes, "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies." We think we hurt an offender more or protect ourselves more when we refuse to forgive, but the truth is that the only person we truly hurt when we don't forgive is ourselves.
Why do so many people find it hard to forgive? It's because of the so many myths that we believe about forgiveness that cause us to believe that it's good for us. These myths include the beliefs that forgiveness is letting justice slide, that forgiving someone always means trusting them again, that we need to "feel like" forgiving someone first or that people need to deserve forgiveness.
Ephesians 4:32—which says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you"—always challenges me. How could I ever forgive the way Christ has forgiven me? I'm not innocent at all. I was the one who nailed Him to the cross with my sin. We all took part in it. But even in that, Jesus forgave, love and restored us. Wow!
Forgiveness becomes a whole lot easier the more we realise that we are recipients of forgiveness as well. People who have a hard time realising their own brokenness and sinfulness will have a hard time forgiving the same brokenness and sinfulness in others.
We sometimes think that justice and punishment to our offenders is what will give us relief, but if we go down that route we will realise how seeking for vengeance will only result to finding more pain. Not that we don't expect justice to be served and that offenders should just get off the hook, but don't expect retribution to give you relief and satisfaction. Only the forgiveness that comes through Christ does that.
At the end of the day, here's the one truth about forgiveness that will truly liberate us: It's a choice. It's not something that comes naturally, but it is also something that we can choose to do.
And if you are having a hard time forgiving someone, think about how much God has forgiven you through the cross and how He has given us all the opportunity to gain access to the same forgiveness through Christ.
