Let's set first things first: Do you pray for your spouse? When we fail to pray for our spouse, we fail to see the value of both prayer and our spouse. Praying for your spouse may be as important as serving them, staying faithful to them, and loving them, because it is through praying for them that we bridge them to Christ even when they make no deliberate effort to do so.
The next thing we need to settle is this: When you pray for them, what do you pray for? The first few months of marriage, I distinctly remembered the things I prayed for when I prayed for my wife, Ces, and many times I was praying the wrong way.
"God, I pray that you change the heart of my wife so she stops being so naggy."
"Father, I beg you by your mercy and grace that you teach my wife to save and keep her away from the temptation of every sale."
"Jesus, you are more than enough for me even if I have to deal with this thorn in my flesh that is my wife."
I sincerely thought I was praying the right way, but the way I prayed for my wife did not reveal her problems—only mine. Romans 12:2a tells us, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind..." (ESV).
Notice that Paul tells us to renew our minds and to not let ourselves be conformed to the pattern of this world. We can't renew the minds of others or change their ways. That's a job only the Holy Spirit can do and for the Holy Spirit to decide. We don't tell the Holy Spirit what and who to change.
So many times we are quick to notice the problems and mistakes of others, failing to see where we have gone wrong. No one is completely right in a bad situation. I realized that in my prayer, there was not just fault on the side of my wife, but even on my side. When she was naggy, I was ignorant. When she was shopping too much, it was only because I failed to notice she needed new clothes. When I thought she was a thorn on my flesh, I realized I was a double-edged sword to hers.
Matthew 7:4–5 tells us, "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" (ESV). In the same way we can't do that to our brothers, we can definitely not do that to our spouses, either.
Instead of praying this way for our spouse, why don't we instead thank God for the blessings that are our spouses, release prayers of blessing upon them, and ask God to change our hearts and ways toward our spouses? You'll be amazed by the wondrous miracles God will start doing through those prayers.
