We parents can only desire the best for our children, helping them to become the best that they can be. We try to teach them, train them and discipline them to become upright persons because the Bible tells us to do so. But, make no mistake about it, our children will never get everything right, and that's why it's important that we always highlight Jesus Christ in their lives and not perfection by doing good work.
At an early age, children tend to be dependent on laws. They need to be told what they can do, what they can't do, what time they need to brush their teeth and what clothes to wear. To a child "do this" and "do that" are important.
However, many parents make the mistake of pinning a child's affirmation and identity on their ability to follow the rules, such as:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, mommy won't love you anymore."
"You're such a bad boy because you don't listen to your papa."
As harmless as these statements may sound, they are not just catastrophic to a child but also completely contradicting to the gospel that we preach. Romans 5:8 tells us, "But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
As parents, discipline was meant to be our expression of love to our children, not our litmus test of how we perceive our children or our children perceive themselves. Their identity as disobedient, rebellious and selfish sinners is set no doubt just as ours. But just as our identity lies on the finished work of Christ, so does our children's identities.
And that's not to say that we throw rules out the window and let our children do whatever they want to. There has to be a balance of discipline and affection. But just as much as we discipline and impose rules, we must also double time in showing affirmation, affection, nurture and acceptance, making our children always know that no matter what they do, we will always accept them and love them.
We see this best in the example set by our Heavenly Father who never counts our sins against us but considers us children nonetheless, sometimes broken children and often prodigal children, but always accepted. 1 John 3:1 says to us, "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are..."
If anything, we are to strive for the best for our children but never expect them to chase after or look to their own perfection. And as early as possible, we are to teach children that our perfection lies in the perfection of Jesus Christ who offered His righteousness for our sinfulness.
