We'd like to think of the church as a perfect atmosphere where everyone is loving, perfect and kind to one another. If you've spent a significant amount of time with a local congregation, then you'll know that that's not how church is at all. You have to wonder—when Jesus spoke of a vibrant and victorious church, did He ever imagine a church filled with gossipers?
One thing we must understand about the church is this: It will never be filled with perfect people. If it was, then we wouldn't need the finished work on the cross. But Jesus doesn't just provide us a way to be erased of sin, He also teaches us to say no to it.
It seems that anyone can fall into the snare of gossip; it's laid all over church community centers like bear traps during hunting season. It's not that we don't love God or that we don't love other people. It's just that in some way or another we are depraved and insecure, and we need the Holy Spirit to guide our speech.
Everyone struggles with the task of taming the tongue, but we all have to build self-control through the work of Christ in us because words are powerful. Proverbs 18:21 tells us, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits" (ESV). Here are four questions to ask ourselves before saying something that will help us weigh if it's gossip or not.
Am I involved in the situation?
If we're not involved in a situation being talked about, then we have no need and also no right to be sharing it with people, especially if it in no way brings benefit to others if the situation should be shared. Often in our need for conversation, we bring up topics about areas of other people's lives even if it's none of our business. Whenever that's the case, it's better to hold our tongue.
Is the person I'm sharing this with involved in the situation?
Sometimes we may be involved in a situation or circumstance, but when the other party is not involved then it's best that they don't know what's going on. If a person we share thoughts with cannot and will not contribute to building up a person concerned, then it's time to pull up the zipper.
Have I confirmed if it's true?
While sometimes we talk about people and we're all involved in the situation, there are also instances where we share things that aren't confirmed to be the truth. We share stories as if we're one hundred percent sure it's true, but it's always best to give the benefit of the doubt.
What is my heart's motive in sharing with others?
Matthew 12:34b puts it this way: "...For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (ESV). What is your motive when it comes to discussing another person's matters? Often people guise gossip as "prayer requests" when the true motive is to put the person concerned into question, maybe to answer a certain insecurity or fear in us. This is always a clear sign that we're going down a highway of gossip.
