Trust is precious. It's a very important ingredient to every relationship, every friendship that we have. When trust is broken, the relationship will never be the same again: either the friendship will be restored only to a certain degree, or it will never be.
As Christians, our trust in people will be challenged. We are called to love a people who are as broken and fallen as we are. Christ has made us whole, but sin breaks all of us.
In this article we'll talk about one of the most painful experiences any Christian can have: the pain of having a trusted friend betray us. We'll briefly talk about how it happens and how we can respond to it.
When a friend cheats you
Cheating is bad. Webster's 1828 dictionary defines it as "defrauding by deception." Simply put, it's the act of deceiving, fooling, or treating someone unfairly so as to get an advantage.
Cheating is done in different ways for various purposes. Some will be surprised to know that cheating can also happen in the church. Christians can cheat on one another in order to gain a perceived advantage. James 4:1-2 tells us,
"Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask."
Cheating in church happens when a covetous or greedy person decides to take advantage of an unsuspecting, often kind Christian. And chances are, the unsuspecting Christian will only discover that he is being cheated after the bad deed has been done.
Because of this, some Christians give their possessions away to covetous people who disguise their intentions with words like "this is for the Lord."
Because of this, some Christians lose what they have to who they considered a friend because the "friend" was only after what they have.
What to do when you discover that a friend betrayed you
Have you ever experienced having a trusted brother or sister in the Lord take advantage of your kindness in order to gain something from you? If you have, here's what you can do.
1) Take ownership of what really happened
Oftentimes Christians don't really know that they're already victims of such a betrayal. You've got to recognize what happened, and call it as it is: cheating. You've got to own the unpleasant and unfortunate event in your life.
2) Forgive
Once you've owned the fact that you were victimized, it's now possible to truly forgive the friend who cheated you.
Some of us think that forgiveness is forgetting what happened and acting like it never happened. No, forgiveness is choosing to release the offense despite the fact that it happened. It doesn't deny the truth of the offense, but it doesn't hold on to anger against the offender.
Forgive your cheating friend. Own up to your loss and release the offense. Accept the truth that it can never be undone, but rejoice in the truth that you can move on.
3) Learn from it
After owning the unfortunate event and forgiving your offender friend, choose to move on from what happened.
This requires a realization that the friendship will never be the same again. Some will reconcile with offenders and be friends again after the offender repents; some will forgive and limit the relationship to mere acquaintances; and some will forgive and move on, not giving room for any reconciliation with the offender.
The option to reconcile and risk trusting the same person, my friend, remains totally up to you. What you must focus on, however, is to become wiser from this point on.
