Grammy Award-winning artist Lecrae is done trying to explain himself to people who are bent on misunderstanding him. The Christian rapper said he's a mess trying to point out the racial injustices in America, all the while fending off senseless criticisms.
"I've been grieving the loss of black lives since 2014...without consultation. Been fighting critics and scrutiny since 2012. I can't even read comments on social media anymore. All the slander is too much for any one person to digest. They don't get me," he said in an op-ed piece written for The Huffington Post.
Lecrae added that he navigates different cultures daily, which allows him to understand how people can make false assumptions based on their lack of knowledge. However, he believes people who don't have a full grasp of things should not be quick to judgment.
"I hit a serious low on tour at one point. I was done with American Christian culture. No voice of my own. No authenticity. I was a puppet. I'd seen so much fakeness from those who claimed to be my brothers and sisters that I didn't even know how to talk to my Heavenly Father," he said.
When he opened up his heart, his supporters — fans and friends alike — turned on him. "There was no empathy. Though some comments were just evil and hurtful, others were steeped in ignorance and lack of perspective," he said.
Lecrae said people did not understand him when he discussed the deaths of black men at the hands of the police. He could never say he hates law enforcement because his own mother, relatives, and closest friends have all risked their lives in the area of law enforcement and corrections.
But still, Lecrae said he had a lot of upsetting brushes with policemen who treated him unfairly because of his racial profile. "I've been pulled over before a show, spoken to like I was less than human, unlawfully searched for drugs, and left to put my destroyed car back together and make it to my show as the cops drove off," he shared.
"I've had an officer place his knee on my throat as he told me to tell him where a gun (that I didn't possess) was. My brother and fellow artist Trip Lee was outside of one of his own concerts and was pushed around and had guns drawn on him because he fit a description," he continued. "These are just a few of some of the MANY infractions I can name."
But just as Lecrae does not hate cops, he can't hate white people either. However, the rapper said he is disturbed by the supremacy and disparities that still exist. Because he is a Christian, Lecrae said he's done his best to care for the souls of all humanity, but the effort has left him drained.
"I told myself I can't be a leader and a figure of integrity and wisdom until I become whole and not have to always be the one with answers," he said. "I'm not who they want me to be. I never will be. That's where I found myself. And that's where God found me."
