Recently I was quite unwell. The only way I could explain it through my tears was that it felt like "my brain exploded". My functional self had deserted me, with only a pile of tissues to wade through and a darkness I couldn't shift.
After one rather soggy phone call, my friends leapt into action in a pretty spectacular way. Calls were made to find the person geographically closest to me, plans were put in place and I found myself on the phone to one friend while another hot-footed it to my house, ready to take me back to hers and, hopefully back to myself.
It was friendship at its best and I won't forget it easily. It seemed, to me at least, that my friends worked together seamlessly to reach me when I was most in need.
It reminded me irresistibly of four friends who broke through a roof to get their friend before Jesus. Mark 2 tells how they were so desperate to see their friend helped that they dug through a roof to reach him. I love the dedication of those men to get their friend the help only Jesus could give him. And I think it gives us a great chance to serve our friends, particularly when they are struggling with the loneliness and isolation of mental illness.
This week is Mental Health Awareness Week, so what better time to reach out to our friends? The national focus this year is on relationships and ThinkTwice is running a #BeAFriend campaign to remind us all that it's not our job to take the place of mental health professionals, but it is our job to be a friend. So here are five ways you can extend friendship and make the life of someone with a mental health condition a little easier.
1. Ask
It might sound silly, but before you dive in and begin doing everything you think they need, take the time to chat to them and work out together what they would find most helpful from you. If they are struggling to make decisions or tell you what they need, make a list of different suggestions that they can pick and choose from.
2. Get together
In the same way that a group of people can get together to compile a meal rota for new parents, join up with others in your church or small group to help out. Whether it's arranging meals for when someone is struggling to cook, collecting children from school or simply spending time with them, friendship is best done in community.
3. Don't try to 'fix' them
We wouldn't try to fix someone's tonsillitis and so we shouldn't try and fix their mental health condition. Acting the psychiatrist or therapist might feel helpful, but it's best to encourage them to seek professional help. It might be that offering to accompany your friend to their appointments to chaperone or advocate for them is what's needed as it can sometimes be difficult to remember all the important points when you're in there alone.
4. Remember who they are
Mental illnesses can often feel as though they steal a person away, but part of our job is to remind them that they aren't defined by it. Try to avoid nouns such as 'schizophrenic' or 'depressive' and point them towards the value they have as a part of God's creation, as well as telling them what they mean to you as a friend.
5. Put Jesus in the picture
Often, finding Jesus in the darkness can feel like an impossible task. It might be that praying or being in church services feels overwhelming and your friend's usual ways of connection with God feel lost to them. To help out, offer to pray for them if they don't feel able, or if they're struggling with sermons, find out beforehand what the focus is so they can be prepared and offer to sit with them.
Being a friend in the face of mental illness isn't always easy, but offering friendship is a lifeline. The simplest of things might just help make the darkest days a little easier to navigate.
Rachael Newham is the Founding Director of ThinkTwice. You can find out more about their #BeAFriend campaign by visiting www.thinktwiceinfo.org or checking out @RachaelNewham90 and @ThinkTwiceInfo on Twitter.
