Evangelical Christianity is a curious subculture. It's a vast community, complete with its own key-words, catchphrases and ways of life. Evangelicals can be lovely, inspiring, and at times a little crazy. There are some questions in life that only evangelicals will ever have to ask, and here are 12 of them.
1. Is God more like a black woman, or a talking lion?
Many conservatives have railed against the vastly popular book and soon-to-be-movie 'The Shack' because of its depiction of the Trinity, including its imagining of God as a maternal black woman. Meanwhile in beloved Narnia, talking lion Aslan apparently provides a surprisingly accurate depiction of the person of Christ.
2. Donald Trump is demonstrably unhinged, incompetent and unfit for office, but should I vote for him?
A question many evangelicals wrestled with during the 2016 election. I say wrestled, but 80 per cent of white evangelicals voted for Trump in the end. I'm sure they had their reasons, which it's important to respect. But seriously, have you seen him on Twitter? On the plus side, Trump is a living reminder that if you follow your dreams, you really can do anything.
3. Is it better to be #relevant, or #authentic?
Certainly a question only millennial evangelicals have ever asked. We're torn between being 'relevant' to people and 'where they're at', which may involve crafting the finest espresso known to man at church, or hanging out with the 'youths' at the skate-park more often. But you've also got to be 'authentic', which means basically being 'true to yourself', and only doing what really 'feels' right. It's not an easy balance. But hey, Jesus never said it would be easy.
4. Can I still listen to Rob Bell?
Many evangelicals were stirred by Rob Bell in his early noughties days, with the artsy, reflective NOOMA series and his landmark work Velvet Elvis. But when he started suggesting everyone might go to heaven, John Piper dismissed him on Twitter with the pithy 'Farewell, Rob Bell'. Since then, Bell's gone beyond the pale for many evangelicals. He isn't bothered though. He writes and speaks in California these days, though his insights now tend to be about surfing, making great salsa, and 'finding your ikigai'. Each to his own.
5. What to bring for the church lunch?
You're invited to a party, or a church lunch, but of course you can't bring alcohol. Do you bring Shloer, which is basically posh-looking fruity lemonade that wishes it was wine, or the horrific, eggy entity known as quiche? Tough to choose. There's probably a new generation of beardy millennial hipsters who'll bring their own selection of 'craft beers' to the lunch. And that's why the Church is in decline.
6. What is this worship song about?
There's some great worship music out there, but its not all great. Some songs are now just a variation of 'ohhhh' and 'yeaahhhh' and some references to being on fire. A distracting deluge of smoke and flashing lights can only suppress your puzzlement for so long. Perhaps some songs are deliberately vapid so they provoke us to ponder the unknowability of the divine. That must be it!
7. Should I wait for The One, or flirt to convert?
Ah, who to date. How to date? Should we date at all? Quandaries abound. For example, do you wait for the perfect Christian partner of your dreams? Or perhaps, not seeing many Christian suitors around, but still being an evangelical, do you 'flirt to convert'? Yes, it sounds creepy and weird and could end in disaster – but you're doing it for Jesus, right?
8. My female friend is assuming leadership, what should I do?
You may hold a conservative, 'complementarian' position of women in church/family leadership, so what to do if your female friend starts assuming power? Perhaps she interrupts you while you're telling your best joke. Do you offer gentle rebuke? Fiery fury and excommunication? Maybe. Some have some interesting guidelines on this. They may say that women cannot lead or preach in church, or give a talk...but they can lead seminar discussion groups. About the kids ministry. Everyone's a winner!
9. ESV or NIV?
A deep source of division for many. Is it better for the Bible to be translated word-for-word, or according to 'dynamic equivalence'? They keep making new versions too, so it's like an evangelical version of the eternal Mac/PC debate. A lot of people don't realise this, but it is a salvation issue. Good luck.
10. Is John Piper okay?
John Piper has admirably served the Church with passion throughout his life. Maybe you loved Desiring God. But recently Piper has been making curious contributions on issues that you didn't know were issues, such as 'Should I send nude selfies, Pastor John?' and 'Do Pets Distract the Christian life?' Finally, someone is addressing the real issues.
11. Should I watch the new Beauty and the Beast, because it features a gay character?
Oh, apparently a question people are genuinely asking. Okay then.
12. It's Catholic, but is it kosher?
Roman Catholics are cool. They have rich traditions, a provocative Pope, and a sense of embodied faith that many evangelicals find increasingly attractive. But everyone draws the line somewhere. 'That's not in the Bible' you may say, somewhat smugly to your Catholic friend. Boom. To be fair though, a lot of cool things we love aren't in the Bible. Bagels, for example – nowhere to be seen in Scripture. Food for thought.
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