Seemingly, it has become an everyday occurrence to open your favourite Christian news outlet and learn of yet another pastor or ministry leader who has had another sexual indiscretion exposed. For some it occurred last week and for others it was 35 years ago.
If you are like me, it can make your head spin with more questions than there seem to be answers to. These sorts of situations drive us, hopefully, back to God's Word, to get direction and insight into such problematic matters. And yet, when we open the Old Testament, we learn that a man who committed adultery, had the woman's husband killed, and covered it up was referred to as a man after God's own heart. And not only that, but he was also considered a righteous King of Israel while having multiple wives. His name, King David. How do we wrestle with the tension and answer the question, "If King David is a man after Gods' own heart, why so many wives?"
I want to first go back to the beginning of David's life. The genesis of his conception.
David says in Psalm 51:5: "Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me."
David made this statement upon reflecting on his affair/adultery with Bathsheba. I think he was potentially tying his actions to how he himself came into existence in his own life.
The Bible does not mention King David's mother by name. A Jewish legend has named her Nitzevet, but there is no biblical confirmation of that name. David's father lived in Bethlehem and was from the tribe of Judah. David was the youngest of eight brothers. He also had at least two sisters, Zeruiah and Abigail. The only thing we know from the Bible about David's mother is what he said about her in Psalm 86:16, when he referred to her as a woman who served God as he did.
Some scholars believe David's sisters, Abigail and Zeruiah, may have been his half-sisters and that their father was not Jesse but Nahash.
Nahash was an Ammonite king. Speculation suggests that David's mother had been married to Nahash when she bore the half-sisters and then later became the second wife or mistress of Jesse. Further speculation implies that David's mother was not yet married to Jesse when she became pregnant—that perhaps she was still married to Nahash when she conceived David.
This theory could explain why David was not accepted by his family. The theory might also shed some light on Psalm 51:5, "Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me"
Let's assume the extrabiblical info tells us that David sadly repeated the sin of his mother. He had an affair with Bathsheba. Now we are not yet answering the question, "Is polygamy okay for a follower of Jesus who is termed a person after God's own heart?" But here is what we do know from Psalm 51:5 and the extra-biblical literature. Adultery is a sin in God's eyes, David's eyes, and it would seem David's mother's eyes.
So, how could David be termed, "A man after God's own heart" with the number of wives he had?
As best as we can tell, he had eight wives, although only three of them are discussed in detail in the Bible.
Bathsheba was the final wife we are aware of in the Bible that David marries. But he, unlike with the other seven, committed adultery with her.
I want you to notice something. David stops taking wives as far as we can tell after this. The Bible says King David's actions displeased the Lord.
God was not okay with David committing adultery with Bathsheba and then orchestrating it so David could take her as his eighth wife.
When God established the nation of Israel, He wanted them to be a nation that was set apart, different. He gave instructions to Moses for how a King of Israel was to live differently in Deuteronomy 17:17: "He shall not acquire multiple wives for himself, or else his heart will turn away from God" (Amplified Bible).
This is important to see because God wanted His King to be a husband to one wife. So why was David a man after God's own heart with so many wives? Here is why I believe so:
1. When he sinned with Bathsheba, he knew it was wrong and repented (Psalm 51:5)
People after God's own heart are not perfect people but people who repent and take ownership of their story and the part they play in its destruction.
2. David stopped amassing wives after Bathsheba.
I believe this showed his repentance of his actions to amass multiple wives. He realized he was modelling the world's behaviour instead of God's plan. He couldn't give the wives back, but he could stop sinning as such and no longer amass more.
3. David continued to fulfil His purpose and calling for God after his sin with Bathsheba.
Why is this being a person after God's own heart? Because sin does not negate God's use of us. However, the person does not make this choice, God does through proper authority channels. Nathan told David, "God could kill you for this, but He won't." But repentance doesn't then work to "cover it up for the good of the church."
Repentance requires humility and a willingness to accept consequence in the face of failure. David did that. He confessed, submitted, and accepted the consequences. I pray ministry leaders today will follow His example. If you are a person after God's own heart, you will come clean, submit, accept the consequences, and work toward healing and restoration for the good of all involved even, at the expense of yourself. Sadly, we are not seeing much of this spirit in our fallen leaders today. May God restore this spirit today. Oh, how we need it - now!
