Some people who are in abusive relationships can't seem to find the strength to leave their partners. No matter how many times they've been hurt and left behind, they are keen to rekindle the romance as soon as their abusive partner starts calling again.
Relationship coach Shannon Bradley-Colleary said this is not right and that people need to protect themselves from commitment-phobic and toxic people.
But how?
Writing for The Huffington Post, Bradley-Colleary said people need to understand that they run on different operating systems from their partners. "You desire connectedness, intimacy, commitment, longevity. He desires those things when you're running away. But when you come close and offer them, he feels suffocated, panics, and either bolts or sabotages the relationship by criticizing, moping, being unreliable and/or cheating. What works for you does not work for him," she said.
Next, she said people need to slow things down. If people want to give their failed relationships a second chance, they really need to make changes in the relationship dynamics. Otherwise, the same mistakes will repeat themselves.
Third, Bradley-Colleary reminded people that they are not in a movie. It's romantic watching couples who are in love squabble and then chase after each other at the last minute. But in reality, these scenarios don't always unfold.
Fourth, she advised people to believe in what their partners do, not what they say. Whenever abusive partners come crawling back, they are liable to say nice things just to win their former partners again. Bradley-Colleary said people should assess their partners objectively and put more weight on their actions.
Lastly, as tempting as it might get, Bradley-Colleary said people should not find excuses for their partners' bad behaviour. At the same time, they should not blame themselves over failed relationships. "Take a look at your guy's past. Did he leave a trail of broken hearts? Then you are most likely not responsible for his commitment-phobic behaviour," she said.
