Abuse can happen in the church. I'm sure that many won't believe this, but abuse can happen inside any church, even if the members appear to be the most loving, most caring of believers. It can happen anywhere and involve anybody, even Christians.
Why and how does church abuse happen?
Abuse happens in the church because the church is composed of people. Some might think that because Christians follow Christ, abuse can never happen. That's where we get it wrong. Some Christians don't really follow Christ. The Lord Jesus said it Himself:
"But why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and not do the things which I say?" (Luke 6:46)
Christians who haven't denied the flesh are likely to live fleshly lives. They may look and sound Christ-like, but it's likely that they live fleshly lives. Paul describes them as people who have the "form of godliness but denying its power" (see 2 Timothy 3:1-5). One of the things they do is abuse others.
Abuses done inside the church can take on many forms and can be done by anybody - leaders, workers, members - and can damage lives for a lifetime.
Sometimes the abuse is done when nobody is watching (sexual abuse, for example), in a group setting (like shaming, bullying, ganging up on somebody), or under the cover of something innocent (corrupt leaders asking for money "in Jesus' name", for example).
Friend, have you been abused in any way by any person in your church - leader or not? If you have been abused, or are being abused but are looking for help, I have something to share to you:
God loves you and wants to set you free from that abusive situation.
Healing and breaking free
The Lord Jesus, at the start of His earthly ministry, quoted a passage from Isaiah who prophesied of His coming:
"The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord." (Luke 4:18-19)
He came to heal the broken and set free those who are held captive. This includes victims of abuse. Here are some things that you can do if you've been or are being abused.
1) Don't allow it to happen any longer
This might be a tough pill to swallow, but it has to be said: we won't be abused unless we allow it. As long as the devil is alive and given freedom to influence people, there will always be a people who will look for someone to take advantage of. That said, choose to stop the abuse from continuing any longer.
If your abuser is your church leader, expose him and look for healing in another God-fearing, Bible-obeying, Christ-following church.
If your abuser is your fellow church member, follow the Matthew 18:15-17 rule: confront the abuser and reject the abusive tactics; bring a witness if confronting alone doesn't work; bring the matter to the church if confronting with a witness doesn't work. If that doesn't work, cut your ties with him.
If the abuse is of a sexual nature, women are advised to stay away from their abusers. Don't ever approach or confront them alone. Always bring someone with you.
2) Learn from what happened
This is also a tough pill to swallow. You've got to learn from the abuse that happened to you. Learning from it makes you stronger and wiser, and thus more able to prevent any more offense from happening to you and others.
See how you were abused. Were you too kind? Too welcoming? Too friendly? Or perhaps you were unsuspecting? Very trusting? Very generous? You've got to see that, because that's where abusers will try to come in.
3) Let God heal you
Healing will take time. Believe me, it will take time. Some wounds will take years to heal, but don't worry. Come to God and He will heal you:
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3)
Everyone who experienced abuse needs to be healed, or else the wounds and the pain will hinder them from living their lives fully in Christ. The memories will be really painful and limiting.
Healing, however, is possible. Seek comfort in God and in the company of caring Christ-followers. Meditate on Scriptures that will remind you of God's restoring, comforting, and healing love.
Just a reminder: If you're a woman, seek comfort from fellow women. Men are advised to find company in other Christian men, too. This is a safeguard that also works in healing completely.
Hope for the future
Friend, do you love God? If you do, be encouraged by the fact that God can make your bad experience work for your good. Someday, your story of abuse and healing will help others find the freedom and healing they need.
God loves you. Hold on to that.
