It has been 23 years since California pastor Shane Idleman made the decision with his girlfriend to abort their five-week old baby, but the decision still haunts him to this day.
In his blog, Idleman recalled the painful decision to abort their baby and he imagined what the child would have been like if they had only decided otherwise.
"Approximately 23 years ago, as a prodigal, I conceded to my girlfriends request to abort our child around the 5th week of conception. The pain of that decision still haunts me today," he wrote.
"What would they look like? Was it a boy or a girl? I can picture walking and talking with my child...watching his or her first steps...holding them when they cry and rejoicing with them when they succeed. But these are just dreams in my mind; dreams that often leave me heartbroken. Regret is one of the hardest pains to deal with because it is a constant reminder that we failed...failed God, others, and the aborted child."
Idleman admitted that the article was extremely difficult for him to write, and he even contemplated deleting it. Eventually, after shedding many tears and praying about it, he decided to share it with the world.
"Life is precious. We must fight for it," he stressed.
1/17/15 "LORD, REMOVE MY GUILT AND SHAME" - Pastor Shane Idleman from Westside Christian Fellowship on Vimeo.
" data-caption="null" data-credit="null">Idleman also confessed in a video that he often dreams of his unborn baby calling him "daddy," and he prays deeply to the Lord to remove his guilt and shame.
He wants to let those who have participated in, or who have had an abortion realise that there is still hope. "If this is you, I encourage you to read Psalm 51 often. God's unfailing love and compassion will see you through. We lean on His strength for the future not on our failures from the past," wrote Idleman.
There are other steps in moving on from past mistakes, and for Idleman, it was seeking forgiveness. With the support of his wife, Idleman tracked down his former girlfriend who had the abortion and asked for her forgiveness, and she did the same.
"This one act of forgiveness brought tremendous closure and peace," he shared.
Lifenews reported that there are many men who suffer silently because of abortion, even if they were not aware of the act beforehand. They reported that most relationships at the time of the abortion failed in less than a year, and that only one per cent of men in one study said they would consider abortion again in the future.
A massive 90 per cent suffered grief and sadness, and the same number admitted to experiencing persistent thoughts about the aborted baby.
