When actress Anna Faris recently revealed that her teenage son had asked her to accept Jesus Christ, perhaps one of the most interesting parts of the story was not simply that he had shared his faith with her, but how she responded.
Faris recently shared in the Dear Chelsea podcast that she did not grow up religious and her 14-year-old son Jack has asked her to “accept Jesus Christ”.
In response, she told him she would do anything for him, including becoming a Christian, but added that it wouldn’t happen without “a whole lot of long conversations”.
Those conversations are apparently already happening as Faris said she deliberately challenges some of her son’s beliefs, including his views on abortion, and raises questions about hypocrisy and the conduct of some church leaders. At the same time, she spoke admiringly of Jack’s emotional steadiness and said she was grateful that the two of them could discuss religion so openly.
There is something Christians can learn from both sides of that exchange.
For one thing, Faris is probably far from unusual. There are many people who are not necessarily hostile towards Christianity. Some may even be curious about Jesus, but curiosity does not mean that their questions suddenly disappear.
They may wonder why a loving God allows terrible suffering. They may struggle with difficult passages in the Bible. They may have questions about the reliability of Scripture and Christian teaching on sexuality or abortion, the existence of hell, or the hypocrisy they have witnessed among Christians.
For some, these are intellectual questions. For others, they are deeply personal ones. And sometimes accepting an invitation to talk about Christianity really does mean signing up for those “long conversations”.
I have encountered this repeatedly while teaching Bible studies, evangelising out on the street, and speaking to people at Christian meetups. People ask questions - sometimes lots of them. I will admit that there have been moments when a question has completely caught me off guard, simply because I had never thought about it in quite the same way before.
‘How can a good and loving God allow an innocent child to die of cancer?’ ‘How do we know that the Bible has not been significantly changed over thousands of years?’ ‘Why does God command the destruction of entire communities in parts of the Old Testament, including children and animals?’ ‘Why do Christians believe suicide is a sin?’ ‘Do Christians really have freedom of thought if they are expected to obey God?’
These are not always comfortable questions. Occasionally, depending on how they are phrased, they can even feel provocative. But someone asking a difficult question about God is not necessarily attacking God and they are not necessarily attacking us. Sometimes the question comes from a place of misunderstanding, pain, curiosity or a genuine struggle to reconcile what Christianity teaches with what someone sees in the world. That distinction matters.
Can our faith withstand questions?
One thing that struck me about Faris’s description of her son was his apparent willingness to have his beliefs challenged without becoming easily unsettled.
She described Jack as emotionally strong, also saying that she appreciates that he is examining religion and recognising hypocrisy rather than simply refusing to discuss difficult subjects. That is a remarkable quality for anyone, let alone a teenager.
It raises a useful question for the rest of us: how do we respond when somebody challenges something we believe? Do we immediately become defensive? Do we become irritated because we assume the person is arguing in bad faith? Do we feel that questioning one of our beliefs is somehow questioning God Himself? Or are we secure enough in our faith to listen carefully, think and respond with grace?
The Apostle Peter tells Christians to “always be prepared to give an answer” to anyone who asks about the hope that we have. But the second half is just as important: we are to do so “with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15).
Being able to defend our faith does not mean winning every argument. Sometimes it means being confident enough to say, “That is a really good question. I don’t know the answer yet, but I would like to look into it.” There is no shame in that. In fact, it can be far more credible than giving a rushed answer simply because we are frightened of appearing uncertain.
What are we afraid the answer might be?
Sometimes defensiveness can reveal something else. Perhaps the question touches an area of Christianity that we ourselves have never properly examined.
It is easy to repeat that God is good when nobody is asking us to explain how His goodness relates to suffering. It is easy to say the Bible is trustworthy until someone asks how we know. It is easy to read difficult Old Testament passages quickly until somebody outside the Church asks us to account for them.
And when we do not know how to respond, insecurity can quickly become defensiveness. Perhaps, sometimes, we avoid difficult questions because we are afraid of where they might lead. What if studying the issue forces us to reconsider something we have always assumed? What if we discover that our understanding of a passage was incomplete? What if the neat answer we were given years ago turns out not to be quite enough?
But Christians should not be frightened of truth. If God really is who we proclaim Him to be - good, loving, holy and true - then sincere investigation should ultimately lead us deeper into truth, not away from it.
Difficult questions have often pushed me back towards Scripture. They make me research. They make me pray. They make me listen to Christians who have spent years studying issues that I may only just have encountered.
And sometimes they expose weaknesses not in Christianity itself, but in my understanding of it. That can be uncomfortable, but it can also be good. A faith that has never been examined can easily become a collection of borrowed answers. A faith that has wrestled honestly with questions can develop deeper roots.
People are not apologetics projects
There is another danger, however. Once Christians begin talking about “defending the faith”, it can become tempting to treat every conversation like a debate. The person in front of us becomes an opponent whose objections must be defeated rather than a human being whom God loves.
That is not the example Jesus gives us. Jesus answered questions, but He also asked them questions in return (Mark 10:3; Luke 10:26). He listened. He recognised what was happening beyond the surface of people’s words (John 4:17-18; Mark 2:8). At times He confronted people directly, while at other times He patiently explained truths His own disciples repeatedly failed to understand (Matthew 23:27-28; John 8:44; Mark 9:30-32; Luke 24:27).
Even those closest to Jesus did not understand everything immediately. Peter misunderstood Him (Matthew 16:22-23). Thomas doubted (John 20:24-25). The disciples repeatedly struggled to grasp what Jesus was telling them about His death, resurrection and kingdom (Luke 18:34; Mark 9:10).
Jesus did not abandon them because they needed more explanation (John 16:12-13). Neither should we expect someone with little or no Christian background to resolve every theological, moral and emotional objection during a single conversation.
Conversion is ultimately not something we can manufacture through the perfect argument. Christians are called to bear witness faithfully, but it is God through the Holy Spirit who works in a person’s heart (Acts 1:8; 1 Corinthians 3:6-7; John 16:8; Acts 16:14). That should take some pressure off us.
Our responsibility is not to force another person into agreement. It is to speak truthfully, listen carefully, answer where we can and demonstrate something of the character of Christ in the way that we respond (Colossians 4:6; 1 Peter 3:15-16).
Final thoughts: make room for the long conversation
Perhaps this is what makes Faris’s comments so interesting. Whatever eventually comes from her conversations with her son is between her and God. But there is already something encouraging in the fact that the conversation is happening and remains open.
Jack shared his faith. His mother had questions. He did not apparently run away from those questions, and she did not shut down the discussion altogether. They kept talking.
There will always be people around us who are curious about Jesus while carrying serious reservations about Christianity. Some objections will come from misconceptions. Others will arise from genuine experiences of hypocrisy or hurt. Still others will be difficult theological questions Christians have wrestled with for centuries.
We should be prepared for all three. That means knowing Scripture, developing a firm foundation for what we believe and taking apologetics seriously. But it also means cultivating humility, patience and love.
Dear reader, we do not have to be threatened whenever Christianity is questioned, and we certainly do not need to become aggressive. It is crucial to remember that the God we proclaim has been extraordinarily patient with us (2 Peter 3:9; Romans 2:4). None of us came to Him possessing perfect theology, perfect understanding or perfect faith. We received grace (Ephesians 2:8-9; Romans 3:23-24).
So, when someone else needs time, needs answers, needs to disagree for a while or needs one more conversation, perhaps one of the best things we can do is extend some of that grace to them too.
Some people may be only one conversation away from seriously considering Christ. Others may need a hundred. Either way, Christians should be willing to have the long conversations.
