Many people today approach relationships with a casual mindset, saying things like, "We're just having fun and going with the flow, nothing serious," or, "Commitment and exclusivity are overrated. They create too much pressure and feel restrictive. I've been on five dates with five different people just this week alone."
This perspective has become common, even among Christians. Over time, secular influences have subtly shaped Christian perspectives on relationships, leading to the normalisation of unbiblical dating practices, particularly casual dating.
God's Design for Romantic Relationships
The Bible presents marriage as the only God-ordained romantic relationship between a man and a woman. It is not just an optional outcome but the intended purpose of a romantic relationship. From the beginning, God established this structure when He created Adam and Eve. Genesis 2:24 states, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
This does not mean that we should rush into marriage the moment we develop feelings for someone. So why is casual dating problematic? Isn't dating necessary to find a suitable spouse?
The Dangers of Casual Dating
The issue with casual dating is that it lacks clear intention. Instead of being a step towards finding the bone of one's bone or the flesh of one's flesh (Genesis 2:23), it is often used as a means of entertainment, temporary pleasure, or filling a void of loneliness. It also normalises practices meant to be sacred within marriage, such as sexual intimacy, cohabitation, and even raising children.
However, there is nothing casual about romantic relationships. The Bible often compares the bond between a husband and wife to the relationship between Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:25-27 and 31-32). God's love is steadfast and committed, serving as the ultimate example of how relationships should be approached.
The satisfaction, joy, and comfort often sought in casual romantic relationships are temporary and can only be everlastingly found in Christ. John 4:14 affirms this, "But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
The Alternative: Biblical Courtship
So, what is the alternative? Biblical courtship. While it involves getting to know a potential spouse, it does so with a clear focus on God and marriage.
In biblical courtship, both individuals place their decision in God's hands through prayer (Proverbs 3:5-6). Their relationship with God is prioritised, recognising that finding the right person is not just about searching but also about becoming the right person (Matthew 6:33). From the beginning, both parties acknowledge a shared interest in pursuing marriage.
Unlike casual dating, biblical courtship is a slow and guarded process. It involves setting boundaries that honour God and each other, avoiding situations that lead to temptation (Proverbs 4:23 and 1 Corinthians 6:18). It also emphasises spiritual growth by encouraging prayer, studying Scripture, and serving together. This helps prevent the risk of being unequally yoked, a concern addressed in 2 Corinthians 6:14.
Although biblical courtship allows for personal choice, it also includes guidance from trusted mentors, pastors, and family members (Proverbs 11:14). Their counsel provides wisdom and accountability, helping to ensure that the relationship remains centred on God's will.
Embrace God's Design for Relationships
Choosing biblical courtship over casual dating is not about following rigid rules but about pursuing a relationship that aligns with God's plan. A relationship that honours God's design will not only bring true joy and fulfilment but will also serve as a testament of His love - a love that is faithful, intentional, and everlasting.
