Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you."
Piglet might have been a fictitious pencil drawing with John Fielder's voice to match, but it was A.A. Milne that struck the chord in the power of friendship, a chord that has resonated with me ever since. No matter what cards life has dealt to date; the lows of grief, the highs of career...outside my faith it has been the friends I can count on one hand which have kept me dancing amid the light instead of the dark.
Now, I don't wish to toot my own shofar, but I do have diamond-centered friends. I did not fall upon them. I hunted for them like lions to the wildebeest. It took research, past hurts and future dreaming to find them. I'm not referring to the karaoke buds here, I mean the ones that if lost it would be as guttural as a divorce, yet when we find them, it's a jackpot greater than the Euro Millions.
So what makes a powerful friendship?
I used to test the authenticity of my comrades through my personal chaos but that only invited the ambulance chaser. I would fill the boots of being Miss Independent, spreading myself thinly to avoid being hurt, but that left me unknown and unaccountable to the world. Finally, I found the sapphires amid the rough. My desire to be known dismantled the walls I'd held up for so long. My need for the beauty of a Jonathan and David-esque union, is how I got over the 'being a burden' complex.
I let the people I admired see my mess, I let them correct me, I let their voice change my DNA, in short - I let love in.
And within SOS moments, when the loss of a loved one broke my world, they pressed mute on the television, gave their son a toy, called time on film set, stopped writing their book, or rescheduled an evening's plan. They alleviated my symptoms, they reflected exactly why God saw it was not good for man to be alone. For such a phone call as this.
There's an interdependency that enjoys such company rather than drains the soul. We need not agree on the same philosophy, but the core values in friendship are where the connection lies. For love is not found in agreement, it's found in the acceptance of differences.
Needs are never swept aside for fear of an uncomfortable atmosphere. We state how we really feel - not to be confrontational, but because we don't expect to second-guess. They are the ones who introduce you to yourself, so why wouldn't I ask them for the truth and expect nothing but the truth, so help me God?
I mean discussing the parts where most dare not tread. There's a love that keeps you listening to check the blind-spots. I like to be kept accountable to my finest version, covering me in public, yet challenging me in private if necessary - refusing to let annoyances slip aside because we don't want to stir the waters. Obviously, be kind with the punches, but be happy to roll with them.
Instead of feeling we have a duty, there is forethought to find ways to love - be it filling my room with balloons as I sleep on my birthday morning, or calling a boyfriend who hasn't been kind. For true friends never stay on the fence, instead they fight with fairness.
Friendship remembers everything from your favourite chewing gum, to the anniversary of the lost beloveds; from your gate code, to the memories you mustn't feel shame on. It laughs until the tears roll, and cries until they stop – it's part and parcel of living a raw and stunning intimacy.
Toxins to this comity include ingredients of ego, pride and selfishness. There must be a 'sorry' as much as a 'thank you', and applause as much as a bow. The moment we place defiance in being right over their opinion, refusing to believe that they didn't mean to hurt you is the moment we drink cyanide to beautiful mess in friendship.
With a world sucked dry in computer-introverted loneliness, families breaking across the country and cohabiters becoming the fastest property owner in the UK, never before has powerful friendship been so vital.
It builds a stillness that says, 'but there are five I could count who are sure of who I am, within the good, the bad and the downright ugly.'
If we don't have as much inspiration from marital covenant like we used to, let us sidle up to our friends, reach out for their paws, and say, amidst all your greatness and all your weakness, 'I just wanted to be sure of you.'
