Spoken word artist and vlogger Jefferson Bethke recently uploaded a video to his YouTube account about singleness. In it he raises some interesting points about how we can fall into the trap of idolising marriage. As someone whose friends are mostly in the mid 20s age group, the topic of marriage is somewhat unavoidable. Either one friend is talking to me about the details of their upcoming nuptials, or another is confiding in me about their desperate search to find the one. It's not difficult to end up worshipping marriage from either of these positions. On the one hand, the bride-to-be can view her situation as the achievement of a Christian woman's ultimate goal, and on the other hand, the single friend's desire to find their marriage partner can easily develop into an obsession.
Because of the way that so many of us are taught about marriage, and the significance that we often assign to it as individuals, we can be at risk of idolising it.
But how can we know when our fondness of marriage is approaching the point of unhealthy adoration? Here are three signs that will help you decide.
Your life is on hold
If there's one phrase that singles are tired of hearing, it's probably "being single is a gift". But there is truth to this. Just because you want to get married, doesn't mean you can't embrace the single phase of your life. If you're presented with opportunities which will mean moving your life forward and deepening your commitment to Christ, you're in the best position to say yes. If you say no because your thoughts turn to how this will impact the spouse and kids you don't yet have, then you're prioritising marriage over your relationship with Jesus.
You devote the majority of your time and energy to it
When you're not updating your dating profile and enlisting friends to set you up, you're praying that your husband or wife enters your life asap. Sound like you? While there's no harm in actively pursuing marriage, it shouldn't be your main focus. If and when you get married, God should still be your priority. Living this truth now, without the distractions that come with marriage, is good practice. Take a look at your lifestyle and determine whether it reveals a pattern of choices made in the hope that they'll lead you to your life partner, or ones made to lead you to become more like Jesus.
You don't believe that you can have life to the full without being married
Jesus said: "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full," (John 10:10). He didn't say: "when you get married, then you'll be able have life to the full." If you're fixated with marriage to the point that you view it as the one thing that will satisfy you and give you worth, then not only are you mistaken, but you're regarding it as more powerful than Jesus. And by doing so you're idolising it.
