'And the award for best political acceptance speech by a celebrity goes to... the stars of La La Land! Wait, no. Sorry. The guy from Moonlight! No? Helen Mirren? Um, Beyoncé? Look, let's just be safe. Where's Bono?'
It's only a matter of time before this is a thing, and I, for one, would pay good money to see it. But some, it seems, wouldn't.
Celebrities are annoying a lot of people lately by making political speeches at award ceremonies. Politicians and pundits, not to mention many on social media, have been vocally denouncing stars who use the BAFTAs, Oscars, Golden Globes, Grammys and other award ceremonies as platforms for protest and polemic and for turning fun events into 'political programming'.
The argument, such as it is, goes like this: these ceremonies are not the place for political grandstanding – people just want to watch a glitzy show and making it political ruins it for everybody. Plus, those making speeches have no political qualifications and should leave the politics to politicians. The right thing to do with your political views as a celebrity is to vote in private (or become a politician), shut your stinking-rich mouth and smile pretty for the cameras.
This is stupid for a few reasons. First: if you're watching a ceremony like the Oscars or Grammys that aims (in theory) to recognise great artistic achievements, there's a good chance some of the nominees and winners are going to be 'serious' works, talking about injustice. Will Ferrell and Eddie Murphy's fart-oriented movies don't tend to get nominated as often as your Schindler's Lists and The Helps. So, if the art being recognised is going, occasionally, to talk about problems in the real world, why should the artists behind it not mention them too? If all you really wanted was to see beautiful people in pretty dresses, there's always Fashion TV, after all.
You can, of course, be disappointed that some buzzkill has ruined your evening of celeb watching. What you cannot do, dear sweet bubble-head, is pretend that that is a legitimate and logically forceful reason why they shouldn't make speeches.
Fine, you accept that artists can have political opinions. Very gracious. But there's a time and a place, right? Wrong. If it matters at all, it matters enough to get as much media exposure as possible. If too many of us are spending more time passively watching TV than getting off our lazy buttocks and making the world a better place, maybe we could do with spending some of that time hearing uncomfortable truths. Those who think we shouldn't are basically teenagers asking us to turn off the news because 'it's so depressing' – maybe not bad people, but not responsible or smart, either.
The issue, of course, is whether a political message is, in fact, true. But if it isn't, you'd do better to attack the content, not the fact an opinion is being expressed. The truth is, most of the complaints about politics at the Oscars or BAFTAS or Grammys come from right-wingers who disagree with celebrity opinions. But progressives have form in this too, having long been too cool and too right-on to do anything but sneer at celebs raising the profiles of famines or injustices ('Seriously! Where's Bono?!') In this, both left and right are guilty, but those too apathetic to pick a side are the worst.
Left or right, the idea that we should leave these things to professional politicians, while in the same breath invoking democracy, is so inherently anti-democratic, it is hard to believe it is ever made. But it is. So: when politicians stop pretending to like our bands in order to seem more human, then artists can stop talking about politics. Except, no. Not even then. Because art must always be allowed to engage with society. And politicians will almost always look foolish getting down with the kids. Politics is everyone's business. Even celebrities. Even Christians.
That Christians in particular should be complaining about celebs taking a break from frivolity to say that 'even here, in our fun, there are things that matter more,' is truly disappointing. Making higher things relevant to everyday life is kinda what we do, isn't it? Keeping justice in a discrete box is like limiting your Christianity to Sundays. We, who believe every aspect of life belongs to God, should be the loudest advocates of turning shallow celebrations of ego into attempts to make the world better. Unless we are to abandon the very principle of witness, we can disagree with the arguments, but not the attempts.
I propose we create a Christian Academy Award for those who use their public speeches to make us uncomfortable and advocate for the poor and oppressed. We'll need a catchy name, though.
'And the Oscar Romero<sup>TM goes to...'
Jonty Langley is a recovering fundamentalist and reluctant progressive who works for a mission agency by day and argues with people on the internet by night. He also writes. Find him on Twitter @JontyLangley
