There's the "I waited until my wedding night to lose my virginity and I wish I hadn't" blog. There's the "Dear Girl who waited and wishes she hadn't" response. There are the "10 reasons why you should wait" blogs. The "20 reasons why you shouldn't wait another second" blogs.
There are those who are proud of "never touching a naked breast" before marriage and yet hide behind their "purity plans" for all the wrong reasons. There are those who don't care and think Christianity needs to get a grip. There are those who care so much they daren't walk outside at all.
Christian or not, the world has opinions coming out of its ears, and so rarely are they founded on biblical truth. They're based on human perspectives and experience.
I could offer reasons to have sex this evening, even though I've been holding out for five years. (But we love each other. But we are responsible. We are not in biblical times. But I married, waited and she/he cheated. But we married, waited and we had a hideous sex life. But purity placed so much shame on me that when it came to marriage I didn't know how to enjoy it. But I've waited and I'm still not married so I wonder why I'm bothering any more.)
I could offer reasons to suggest why holding out for wedlock once more has been the most freeing decision of my life, despite certain desires not being met. (No bonded soul ties, no unnecessary exposure to spiritual warfare, fewer obstacles choosing the right man, less heartbreak, emotional attachments firm, better relationships at the beginning than the physical, because the pure shall see God, and also – because Christ didn't do it.)
We could go around the Merry-go-round of biblical and social reasoning. We could even look at the results of different choices: holistic sexuality may not always bring you the dashingly wonderful marriage you always hoped for. I've known many people who've divorced, but it's not because they've discovered they were sexually incompatible. A volatile relationship path, with many sexual partners before marriage, may surprisingly land you with a steadfast man who weds you, and you may remain faithful to each other forever.
Sexual management (let's call it), wasn't supposed to be driven by results. Purity wasn't a shameful rule to get you into heaven or keep the population down. It wasn't to designed shame you for most of your adolescence and scare you before the wedding night. (I have had as many conversations with couples who waited and now hold shame in their marriage, as those who have had a sexual past and carry shame before marriage.) Not being abstinent in the future is not the way to avoid catastrophic experiences if we've been abstinent in the past.
Unfortunate events occur in our lives. That doesn't mean we adjust our levels of righteousness. We must still retain honour, kindness, harmlessness to others despite the storm. Especially in the storm.
We do it because that's what our great Father advised the ones He created. It's always better to read the manual from the manufacturer than to make up your own instructions.
If I base my lifestyle and decisions on my experiences, I can't say that I follow Christ, I'm merely following myself. I will make a lot of mistakes, but the intention and the journey needs to be closely linked with a sincerity and happy sacrifice for a kingdom wired for greater things than sexting, torso pics and uncommitted physical affairs.
It was Christ who got me through shame, enough that the word purity didn't offend me any more. It was Christ who comforted me in the tough days where hundreds of comments were littering an article I wrote on returning to abstinence for Fox News (it was as if I'd killed the Boo the Pomeranian puppy with my bare hands while laughing). It is Christ who reminds me that grace is the highest standard, not a get-out clause. It was Christ who introduced me to freedom through the fruits of the spirit, including self-control. Freedom didn't come in the form of liberalism and it didn't come through conservatism. It came through a meaningful relationship to one who continues to introduce me to a different government – Heaven's government.
If I'm going to do this, I'm going to give it my all. That includes no longer condoning sexual antics for the sake of my feelings over honouring another person's heart.
A kingdom lifestyle takes dedication – true commitment. It's not for the weak or the faint-hearted. Yet such faith contains a subtlety unseen to the naked eye. Kindness is silently powerful.
The question was never, "What makes you happy?" The question was always: "Who are we living for? Ourselves? Or for others?" And if it's for others, self-control needs to be rated as one of the greatest virtues of our generation. Without it, we are indistinguishable from anyone else, and just like anyone who luxuriates in the customs of this world.
Which sounds pretty boring to me.
Carrie Lloyd's book, Prude: misconceptions of a neo-virgin (Red Arrow Media) is out now. Click here to purchase.
