For most Christians, it's a huge issue. Where should I go to church?
And if it's not working for me, when should I call it a day and find somewhere else?
Our local church is where we go Sunday by Sunday. Chances are we're involved in midweek meetings too. Our friends are there, we volunteer to help with its projects, we give financially. It's a big part of our lives.
But sometimes we come to feel we don't fit there any more. It doesn't meet our needs. We don't come away from services feeling blessed, we come away feeling frustrated. At the same time, it's our church. The tension between going and staying can be very hard to bear.
There are no easy answers. But here are some questions that might help us as we're wondering what to do.
1. Is the problem with me rather than with the church?
Sometimes we need to be honest and say we ought to be more patient, kind and tolerant. If the church's worship style is grating on us, perhaps we ought to learn to appreciate it. If we aren't getting anything out of the sermons, perhaps we aren't listening hard enough.
2. Do I need to demonstrate more grace?
Sometimes personal relationships break down and the easiest thing to do is to leave. But it might not be the best thing to do. Maybe learning to forgive, build bridges and restore those relationships is a way of growing in grace.
3. Am I still being useful – and if I'm not, can I be?
We all go through times of spiritual dryness, when we feel we aren't progressing in our Christian lives. Sometimes it's because we're waiting for things to happen rather than making them happen. Finding new areas of service can open up new pathways for us to walk with God.
4. Have I prayed about the situation?
Prayer helps us purify our hearts and minds. Whatever the situation we're facing in church, it's easy for it to become about us – my needs, my wishes and desires – rather than about God. Prayer helps strip away the disguises from our real motivations.
5. Who will I hurt if I go?
We shouldn't assume leaving a church is cost-free. If we've been part of a fellowship and decide to leave it, people might well be sad or discouraged. It's sometimes seen as a criticism even if it isn't. So a good question to ask is, can I go in a way that means I'd be welcome if I came back?
Leaving a church is by no means always wrong. There are all sorts of good reasons for going. Sometimes a pastor's teaching is too far away from what we can accept. Sometimes our lives enter a different season and that's reflected in our need for a different type of fellowship. Perhaps there are family considerations. Sometimes God calls us to fulfil a need in another church, which is glad of what we have to offer.
It's never an easy decision, though it can be the right one. But it's always one to think and pray through very, very carefully.
