As the King of Kings and saviour of the world, Jesus was always going to be subject of some fan art. In many cases, such as the master works of Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci, this seems to come off well. When great artists paint Jesus, the resulting work even become an aid to the faithful in picturing the object of their worship.
There are however, some other examples. And sometimes these go very, very badly wrong. Welcome to the world's strangest religious art gallery, where the subject is always the same, but the quality varies wildly...
1. Giant Rectangle-head Jesus
This is Jesus on the cover of a mid-90s kids' book by transatlantic super-pastors Stuart and Gill Briscoe. Here he has the look of a steroid enhanced Ultimate Fighting Champion Jesus. At least Mark Driscoll would follow him.
2. Badly drawn yawning Jesus
This guy won't just save your soul... he'll haunt your nightmares. Quite why this never got the second draft treatment is a divine mystery; perhaps the artist thought it was jolly.
3. Inexplicable tech support Jesus
This image is presumably supposed to promote prayer, but it's hard to get past Jesus' decision to dress like this, and especially to pick that tie. I'm also not convinced the artist has bothered to give him the regulation number of fingers.
4. Imaginary gun-toting Jesus
Even the Nicky Clarke hairdo can't stop this pic from being terrifying. Apart from the fact that Jesus appears to be mock-brandishing a weapon, he also looks like a member of a progressive rock band who hasn't been home since 1979. You'd cross the street to avoid him.
5. Actual gun-toting Jesus
Not too sure what to say about this, apart from to suggest that the artist has a very, very loose translation of the New Testament in which the word 'peacemakers' is replaced with the word 'paranoid gun-worshipping maniacs'.
6. Hangin' in Eden Jesus
Adam and Eve look so relaxed in this painting it's clearly set before the Fall. Thank goodness for a modesty sparing fern and a strategically placed tiger. Not sure what Jesus is talking about, but he's fighting a losing battle for Adam's interest against the nearby naked woman.
7. Hunky tattooed Jesus
Clad in the mid-80s regulation white t-shirt and blue jeans combo, this musclebound messiah looks like he'd give Chuck Norris a run for his money. Actually, he just looks a bit like Chuck Norris. The spectacular tattoo barely needs mentioning.
8. Upset tummy Jesus
The thing that made the Mona Lisa so famous is that inscrutable smile. In *almost* the same way, this painting of Jesus is almost impossible to interpret. Perhaps he's supposed to be gazing knowingly into your soul. To me it appears that he's struggling after a trip to the Bethlehem Tandoori.
9. Sneaky deal-closing Jesus
If Jesus were a top businessman, how might he behave? According to this painting, he'd jump in ahead of a rival and steal the big deal. Here he is in his little-known high-flying Manhattan years, during which he clearly never got the dress code memo.
Martin Saunders is a Contributing Editor for Christian Today and the Deputy CEO of Youthscape. You can follow him on Twitter: @martinsaunders
