What happens when you take God out of religion? It probably sounds a pretty unappealing prospect to anyone who holds a faith, but to others who don't believe in the Almighty, there seems to be a recognition that some of the stuff his worshippers do could still be of value to anyone. Meditation is a case in point; consuming holy books as a kind of well-meaning self-help is another. But perhaps the greatest example of all is when you try to take God out of worship.
On that front, may I present Exhibit A: The Secular Hymnal, a book of new 'hymns', set to famous religious tunes, but with all mentions of God strained out. Instead of gazing upward, the words focus on humanist themes: tolerance, inclusivity, the value of everyone and so on. The results are, I hope you'll agree, remarkable. Written by the prolific and mysterious 'Secretary Michael', who has philanthropically placed all 144 of his songs in the public domain, these songs might one day become the staple fare of school assemblies and town hall gatherings everywhere. Here are just a few of the many highlights which might be on the way to an earnest communal singalong near you.
(Oh, and just in case it's unclear, this isn't a spoof or a parody.)
'Bad' is not a name for a woman
Set to the tune of the old French hymn Picardy, this is a valuable reminder that people – and primarily ladies – should not be labelled as evil. Instead it says, "bad is just a name for that which causes pain"; or in other words, there's a force in the universe which takes hold of all of us and causes us to do objectively bad stuff. You know, like sin. But obviously not sin.
All the seven deadly sins come to visit now and then
Confusingly this song does recognise the concept of sin and our inability to battle it, but we'll forgive the humanist logic slip because it's a lyrical cracker. Includes the line "Wrath's the one I fear the most, angry even over toast", which is word-perfect poetic sizzle of Shakespearean proportions. It's set to the tune of Just a closer walk with thee, which deals powerfully with the issue of sin by recognising our own inherent weakness and simply leaning on Jesus to keep us from all wrong. But I'm sure that's just a coincidence.
Accommodating others is kind of fun to do
Removing the classic lyrics of In heavenly love abiding and replacing them with words like "it doesn't mean we're toadies" is, as it turns out, kind of fun to do. It also creates an uncredited affirmation of Jesus' vision for the Kingdom, where we all submit to, love and serve one another. Whoops.
There are certain topics that divide
I mean, let's just picture the scene for a moment: hundreds of people standing around holding the secular hymnal, singing that "There are times when feelings can collide: don't choose sides." Like a flawed cover of We Are The World, this rewrite of a 200-year-old German hymn seems to think the world would be a better place if no-one ever argued about anything. It's like a vision of a world beyond this one where there's no more pain, and where every tear has been wiped away. Now where have I heard that idea before...?
Everyone must make a living
This is a song of praise... just not toward God. Instead the line "Praise to the worker, praise to the job" is expertly rhymed with "praise to the farmer and the corn on the cob". Perhaps the next time the world's great worship leaders get together for one of those clandestine songwriting retreats they could challenge themselves to keep it real like Secretary Michael.
For those who have beliefs bizarre...
"...we'll always love you for who you are. Although your thoughts seem sad and strange, we'll never leave you or force you to change." I mean this is interesting isn't it? This song of acceptance, set to the tune of the old hymn We cannot measure how you heal seems to suggest that the non-religious should be fully accepting of, and full of love for those who hold devoted and heartfelt personal beliefs. Someone should send a copy of this to the New Atheists.
I surrender, I surrender
Now this is interesting. This one takes the actual theme and lyrical gist of one of the great hymns (I surrender all), not just the melody. However, instead of surrendering all foolish things to God above, Secretary Michael just wants to sort of dump them in the ether. In fact he says he takes off "all my shiny things, jewellery and rings", so it might be worth following him around for a couple of days to see if he discards anything valuable.
No cheers for David, no cheers for Goliath
This song decides to directly take on the biblical narrative by suggesting that we shouldn't glory in a story about violent redemption. Which is fine I suppose, as long as you're not a humanist who glorifies the story of human progress, which is mostly built on the oppression and violent deaths of millions of people through the ages.
I think I could work in a castle
Yes, that's really the title. And even more spectacularly, it's used to overwrite the opening of one of the world's most profound and heart- wrenching hymns: Turn your eyes upon Jesus. The full line is "I think I could work in a castle, by sweeping and mopping the floors"; just try singing that to the familiar tune and see if the tears don't start welling up.
Informed people tend to live their lives responsibly
Another lyrical zinger, this is a wonderfully earnest tribute to the value of information in increasing our awareness of diversity and helping us to live responsibly. All of which is of course right and true and sounds fantastic when you say it on Twitter, although of course people who talk like this never get invited to good parties. I'm not going to be too hard on this one however as it includes a whole section about the value and importance of journalists. Again, just picture singing that one at the school carol service.
People are more than the worst they've done
It feels like the author had a moment of weakness when he wrote this one, which is basically an understanding of grace so deep and dramatic that it is positively Christian. "Even a killer with a gun. People are more than the worst they've done" he writes. Amen and amen.
Ultimately we may not have free will
Time to get a bit more theological now, as Secretary Michael takes aim at the idea of there being any order in the prevailing chaos. In fact, he says: "We may just be pebbles rolling down a hill, tumbling and bouncing in a random race." Inspirational stuff, and surely a much safer bet for primary school assemblies than that nasty, dangerous stuff about Jesus' love being very wonderful.
Unconscious bias, it poisons all of us
Forget the majestic lyrics to Oh, the deep, deep love of Jesus, they've been bettered in this ditty, about the dangers of not recognising our own blind spots and privileges. Thankfully the author has a fantastic antidote to the problem: "Say 'how do you do' and meet someone new, for bias can't win where knowledge has been." You can't argue with that, and if you do, it's probably because of some unconscious bias you have against pacifist humanist hymn-writers.
I could go on, but thanks to the extraordinary generosity of Secretary Michael, I don't need to. The whole library can be accessed for free here. Enjoy exploring the master hymn-writer's oeuvre; perhaps you'll want to include classics like "I use a spoon to eat my soup" and "We're not alone when ants are marching in a line" in your next seeker-friendly service.
Martin Saunders is a Contributing Editor for Christian Today and the Deputy CEO of Youthscape. Follow him on Twitter @martinsaunders. Thanks to Rachel Warwick for her help with this article.
