Facebook has a lot to answer for. In a world where every day we hand out and receive 'likes' to one another, it's not hard to see why so many people struggle with their self-esteem. Digital, public affirmation has been the currency of our social interactions, and while that's alright for some, for others the silence in response to our latest opinion or baby photo can be crushing.
Of course, social media gets a lot more unkind than that. Passive aggression is rife, and trolling – the practice of slamming someone else's opinions, character, looks or lifestyle online – is practised by far more than the handful of really unkind people to whom we generally attach that label. Just as we all make it clear who and what we 'like' online, we also often leave no doubt about the things we dislike
Which means in 2017, many of us are far more aware and conscious of our unpopularity than we might have been in a less connected age. For some elephant-skinned or utterly secure types, that's water over the proverbial duck. For the rest of us though, it can be unsettling, unpleasant, and even painful.
Sometimes of course, people dislike us for a good reason. There's a character flaw we need to address: the way we might treat or talk about others, or some sort of integrity mis-match between the things we say and do. Sometimes a realisation that another person doesn't like us very much – especially an otherwise-pleasant and well-rounded person – is a red flag that we might just be behaving in a dislikable way.
More often though, people dislike you because of an issue that they have, and doubly because their reaction to you only increases their awareness of the unresolved fault within themselves. And at that point being disliked isn't a curse, it's a prophetic gift.
He's a good role model for pretty much everything, and Jesus certainly wasn't universally liked. In fact, despite drawing a large following and forming a close friendship group, he was also dogged by his haters. Way before they finally crucified him for his claims, Jesus' opponents argued with, gossiped about and even threatened to stone him (John 10: 31-39). In the end, the growing chorus of discontent just got too loud. They hated him not because he did anything wrong, but because they knew that by opening their minds to his words, they'd have to re-evaluate everything and almost certainly put their own lives on the line.
The same was true of many of the Old Testament prophets – strange, often unpredictable types whose prophetic words brought discomfort to the people. Ezekiel was, according to R A Winterbotham, 'for a long time disbelieved and disliked', while Elijah was so unpopular that he sat under a tree and prayed (in 1 Kings 19) that he might die. Even Almighty God, the father and creator of the universe, has mainly been on the receiving end of rejection throughout history. When people don't like us, and it's not our fault, we're in fantastically good company.
Through all of these examples, the same thread seems to run: feelings of antipathy are provoked by these characters not because of particularly unpleasant or unrighteous behaviour, but because their lives and words are challenging to those they interact with. It's much easier to hate someone else, and to focus on the speck of sawdust in their eye, than to acknowledge the plank in your own (Matthew 7:3).
That's a challenging thought for any of us who've ever felt or thought unkindly about someone else. Do I take enough responsibility for my own flaws in my interactions with people I find difficult? Do I tend towards criticism and unpleasantness – online and in person – because it's easier than listening, acknowledging my own limitations and trying to understand another point of view?
For anyone struggling with feeling disliked or unpopular though, I hope this all comes as an encouragement. If you're not someone who is wrestling with a serious character flaw, then the chances are your haters just feel unsettled, provoked and challenged by you. Your unpopularity is a spiritual gift.
As Jesus said in John 15:18: Iif the world hates you, you know that it has hated me before it hated you.' Or as a Miss Taylor Swift put it, some 2,000 years later: 'Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate... you just gotta shake it off.'
Martin Saunders is a Contributing Editor for Christian Today and the Deputy CEO ofYouthscape. Follow him on Twitter @martinsaunders.
