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Right, spiritual disciplines. They sound like something I'm meant to be doing.
- Come at me, Richard Foster.
- Which one should I do?
- They all look quite hard work, actually.
- I'm just going to open the book at random and let God choose which discipline it falls on.
- Oh no, fasting.
- Why couldn't it have been something easy like prayer?
- I'm really good at praying.
- Oh well, fasting it is.
- Maybe I'll become an excellent faster.
- Is fast-er a word?
- I'll do it every week.
- I'll become known as 'the one who fasts'.
- People will think I'm really holy.
- And they'll be right.
- Anyway.
- A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
- Today is that step.
- At least I had a big breakfast.
- The most important meal of the day.
- FOCUS.
- Okay, I won't eat again until tomorrow.
- Not one morsel shall pass these lips.
- Not even a chicken nugget.
- Oh man, I would love a chicken nugget right now.
- Or a Wagon Wheel.
- Or a sausage roll.
- Seriously now, focus.
- What are you supposed to do while fasting?
- Usually I would be having a snack at this time.
- It is 9.30 in the morning after all.
- What would I have if I could eat anything in the world?
- Ham.
- Okay, I think you're meant to pray instead of eating, aren't you?
- I'm just going to do that subtly at my desk.
- I'm sure no one will notice.
- At least, I hope they don't pay that much attention to me when I'm scoffing a bag of Skips twice a day.
- I love Skips.
- Right, time to pray.
- Dear Lord...
- I'm still hungry.
- Shouldn't God take away the hunger or something?
- That's not the point?
- Oh.
- I need a distraction.
- I'll take one of those quizzes online.
- Which pudding are you?
- You know what, I've always wondered.
- Ah, blancmange. I thought so.
- Blancmange is a funny word isn't it?
- Blancmange.
- I could devour a blancmange.
- Oh it's nearly lunchtime, thank goodness.
- Can you call it lunchtime when you're not actually eating lunch?
- Maybe I'll do loads of work instead and be super productive.
- Or go for a long, luxurious walk.
- No, better conserve my calories.
- That porridge won't keep me going forever.
- And I'm sure I look thinner already.
- I'm going to try those too-small skinny jeans on as soon as I get home.
- This is basically a diet.
- It could be the beginning of the new me.
- Oh good. It's Gavin's birthday.
- And he's bought in cake for everyone.
- THANKS GAVIN.
- He's so selfish.
- I regret contributing to his giftcard now.
- It's for Millets anyway.
- Who shops in Millets?
- I could buy loads of Kendal Mint Cake for £50 though.
- I bet Gavin will waste it on waterproof trousers or something.
- I've never liked him that much.
- Disaster. Someone's sent through the menu for the restaurant we're eating at on Friday night.
- I will pre-order EVERYTHING.
- I will be that person that makes everyone wait for their mains because I've ordered three starters.
- I deserve it after the day I'm having.
- Being holy is exhausting.
- Are you allowed tea while you're fasting?
- I'm having a tea.
- It's 3pm and I'm British, it would be practically criminal not to.
- Feel a bit guilty though.
- I'll pray extra hard to make up for it.
- Oh man, today is dragging on.
- What shall I have for dinner tonight?
- Oh.
- I mean, what if I did eat dinner...?
- Surely Jesus wouldn't mind that much?
- If I last until 6 o'clock that will have been 10 whole hours without food.
- TEN HOURS.
- No wonder I feel lighter.
- Seriously, I must have lost weight.
- My mother will be thrilled.
- Okay, that's it. I'm having dinner.
- It really wouldn't do to make myself ill.
- And my stomach is making some rather alarming noises.
- Keith from HR looks quite perturbed.
- Oh sod it, I'm having a biscuit.
- This one's for you, Keith.
- I'll try again next week. I promise.
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