99 thoughts you have while fasting

Right, spiritual disciplines. They sound like something I'm meant to be doing.
Come at me, Richard Foster.
Which one should I do?
They all look quite hard work, actually.
I'm just going to open the book at random and let God choose which discipline it falls on.
Oh no, fasting.
Why couldn't it have been something easy like prayer?
I'm really good at praying.
Oh well, fasting it is.
Maybe I'll become an excellent faster.
Is fast-er a word?
I'll do it every week.
I'll become known as 'the one who fasts'.
People will think I'm really holy.
And they'll be right.
Anyway.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
Today is that step.
At least I had a big breakfast.
The most important meal of the day.
FOCUS.
Okay, I won't eat again until tomorrow.
Not one morsel shall pass these lips.
Not even a chicken nugget.
Oh man, I would love a chicken nugget right now.
Or a Wagon Wheel.
Or a sausage roll.
Seriously now, focus.
What are you supposed to do while fasting?
Usually I would be having a snack at this time.
It is 9.30 in the morning after all.
What would I have if I could eat anything in the world?
Ham.
Okay, I think you're meant to pray instead of eating, aren't you?
I'm just going to do that subtly at my desk.
I'm sure no one will notice.
At least, I hope they don't pay that much attention to me when I'm scoffing a bag of Skips twice a day.
I love Skips.
Right, time to pray.
Dear Lord...
I'm still hungry.
Shouldn't God take away the hunger or something?
That's not the point?
Oh.
I need a distraction.
I'll take one of those quizzes online.
Which pudding are you?
You know what, I've always wondered.
Ah, blancmange. I thought so.
Blancmange is a funny word isn't it?
Blancmange.
I could devour a blancmange.
Oh it's nearly lunchtime, thank goodness.
Can you call it lunchtime when you're not actually eating lunch?
Maybe I'll do loads of work instead and be super productive.
Or go for a long, luxurious walk.
No, better conserve my calories.
That porridge won't keep me going forever.
And I'm sure I look thinner already.
I'm going to try those too-small skinny jeans on as soon as I get home.
This is basically a diet.
It could be the beginning of the new me.
Oh good. It's Gavin's birthday.
And he's bought in cake for everyone.
THANKS GAVIN.
He's so selfish.
I regret contributing to his giftcard now.
It's for Millets anyway.
Who shops in Millets?
I could buy loads of Kendal Mint Cake for £50 though.
I bet Gavin will waste it on waterproof trousers or something.
I've never liked him that much.
Disaster. Someone's sent through the menu for the restaurant we're eating at on Friday night.
I will pre-order EVERYTHING.
I will be that person that makes everyone wait for their mains because I've ordered three starters.
I deserve it after the day I'm having.
Being holy is exhausting.
Are you allowed tea while you're fasting?
I'm having a tea.
It's 3pm and I'm British, it would be practically criminal not to.
Feel a bit guilty though.
I'll pray extra hard to make up for it.
Oh man, today is dragging on.
What shall I have for dinner tonight?
Oh.
I mean, what if I did eat dinner...?
Surely Jesus wouldn't mind that much?
If I last until 6 o'clock that will have been 10 whole hours without food.
TEN HOURS.
No wonder I feel lighter.
Seriously, I must have lost weight.
My mother will be thrilled.
Okay, that's it. I'm having dinner.
It really wouldn't do to make myself ill.
And my stomach is making some rather alarming noises.
Keith from HR looks quite perturbed.
Oh sod it, I'm having a biscuit.
This one's for you, Keith.
I'll try again next week. I promise.

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