Couples and singletons are all keen to hear the key ingredients for a successful marriage. While each couple will have their own treasured pieces of advice that apply specifically to their relationship, there are also universal principles that can be applied to assist the success of every marriage.
In his address to couples in Krakow last week, Pope Francis mentioned three things which he said are essential for married couples to remember as they go through married life.
Here's how you can incorporate these three acts into your marriage.
Permission
"Always ask your spouse, the wife to the husband and the husband to the wife, 'what do you think, what do you think if we do this?'" – Pope Francis
It's common for each member of a relationship to take on certain individual responsibilities. In some marriages the wife might deal with the majority of the financial arrangements and the husband might take charge of organising the smooth running of the family schedule. Or the wife might do the initial groundwork on choosing the childcare and the husband might make the first steps in arranging the logistics of a move. Regardless of your assigned duties, keeping one another in the loop is key. Couples are likely to agree on most things but, romantic surprises aside, it's always worth asking for your spouse's opinion instead of assuming when it comes to the more important decisions.
Acting successfully as partners is a central element of marriage. If you find yourself going ahead and settling things without the input of your husband or wife, timetable in a regular slot to discuss decisions. It'll take some of the pressure off you, help them feel more involved and give them a chance to voice their opinion.
Thanks
"This sacramental relationship is maintained with this sentiment of gratitude, of thanks." – Pope Francis
The very things and people we should be eternally grateful for are also usually the same things and people that we take for granted. Within relationships we build up certain expectations of one another. You might expect your spouse to ask about your day and listen with interest as you fill them in on the latest office politics and your pursuit of a promotion or you might expect them to step in and take on an extra share of the housework or childcare responsibilities when you're sick or snowed under. Each time your expectations are fulfilled, you have an opportunity to thank your spouse for their kindness. A predictable gesture of compassion is no less worthy of appreciation than one that's unexpected. Most marriages are made up of millions of little gestures of love so you have plenty of opportunities to express your gratitude.
Why not respond to an expected act of goodwill with an unexpected act of thanks? And while you're at it, why not thank God for each other together. You can specifically talk to God about your appreciation of a recent marriage-related blessing or something more general about your relationship.
Forgiveness
"When there is love, a gesture fixes everything." – Pope Francis
It's no shock that forgiveness made it into this list of three marriage essentials but no matter how much we think we know about forgiveness or how much we think we practise it, it's always worth reinforcing its necessity.
As mentioned above, you're likely to experience many things throughout your marriage that will prompt you to thank your spouse. Likewise, there'll be a fair few times when you find yourself in situations which require you to forgive in order to move on. Don't let your partner's past mistakes hold you back. Communicating your concerns is a perfectly acceptable thing to do but also make sure you forgive completely and as quickly as possible.
