Friendliness vs. flirtation: Why married Christians must be careful with friends of the opposite sex


"My beloved is mine, and I am his..." (Song of Solomon 2:16)

Married Christians will do well to understand that far beyond any human relationship, the marriage relationship with their spouse is the most important of all. Thus, it is very important that all married men and women of faith do their best to protect their marriage.

And one of the best ways to protect their marriage is to be careful with friends of the opposite sex.

Keeping safe

Before we got married, we had friends from both sexes. When we marry, we prioritise our God-given spouse, the very person we give our vows to in the presence of the Lord. Our marriage is a sacred relationship that merits our faithfulness, time, effort, and utmost attention.

One of the ways we can protect our marriage is to be watchful over ourselves in relation to our friends, particularly our friends of the opposite sex. We need to be mindful of our actions and how we relate with them, especially now that we are married. We must be careful to communicate the right message with our gestures, words, and actions.

We must be careful that our friendliness and warmth are not misinterpreted as flirting.

A solemn warning

Many divorces happened because one or both spouses got too friendly with another person and not with their own spouse. Sadly, they ended up by leaving the person they married. The reasons may vary, but the outcome remains the same: marriages are ended, hearts are broken, and lives are destroyed.

The Bible does tell us in the Song of Solomon to be wary and vigilant against anything that might destroy our marriages:

"Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom."" (Song of Solomon 2:15)

We better heed that advice.

Catching the foxes

Foxes are little, beautiful furry creatures who are very nimble. There are many different breeds of foxes, but the verse above simply says that foxes "spoil the vineyards." Think about it: What we might consider as innocent and harmless might be the very thing that will endanger us.

Simply put, the friendships with the opposite sex that we so consider "innocent" and "harmless" can be the very thing that will later destroy our marriage. The more we enjoy these "friends" more than we do our spouse, the more we put our marriage in danger.

We need to catch the foxes because they really ruin our vineyard – our marriage.