Do you remember the first time in your life that someone you looked up to as a spiritual leader had a moral failure? I do.
I was a freshman in college at Liberty University studying for the pastorate. I had gone to chapel to hear a great preacher expound upon the Word of God. The speaker was such a passionate speaker who knew the Word of God so well, that it inspired me to memorize Scripture and to seek to know God like him.
As soon as chapel was over, I rushed to the library so I could know Scripture like he did. Before that day was over, I had read over 50 chapters in my Bible and had memorized over 60 verses.
Not long after that, I learned as did many others, that the man who had inspired me was a fake. He had made up his childhood story to sensationalize his life. He was a fraud and later was found to have had not only one moral failure but many in his lifetime.
I wish I could say that this only happened to me once in my 53 years of life and 27 years in the ministry, but sadly, I have had close pastor friends and spiritual heroes that I have looked up to over the years who have let me down and caused me great pain and confusion. I am sure you have too.
It seems like these days there are so many pastors having moral failures that we can't even keep up with it. Decades of deception and repeated moral failures; sometimes it comes out while they are in the middle of it and other times it comes out decades later.
If you are anything like me, when these sorts of things happen to you, it shakes your faith, causes you to wonder, and plummets you into a combination of hurt, questions, doubt, and anger.
It arouses questions in the depth of your being like: was their influence and inspiration just a lie? I have heard some say that when their pastor fell morally that it was like their own wife or husband failing morally. It hurt them that deeply.
We live in a world today where it is difficult to find people we can trust. How could we be so duped by someone so close to us? How could we look up to someone for so many years only to find out they were a fraud?
Or were they? How could we be so naïve? Or were we? Maybe they weren't fake. Maybe we weren't naïve. Maybe sin is just that powerful. Maybe they underestimated the power of sin. And maybe we overestimated their power apart from Christ.
The New Testament does not give us an example of a spiritual leader who had a sexual moral failure, but the Old Testament does. The Bible says that King David was "a man after God's own heart." Would you like God and the Bible to say that about you? I would.
What does it mean to be a man after God's own heart? Being a person after God's own heart means that your life is in harmony with God. David had done just that.
But David eventually found himself drifting in a direction that was the opposite of God. The Bible says that at the time when kings go to war, David stayed home. Was he burned out? Was he prideful? Was he tired of fighting God's battles and wanted to enjoy himself a little?
We don't know, the Bible doesn't say, but what we do know is, it happened. David went out on his balcony, saw a very beautiful woman bathing, called for her, slept with her, and she became pregnant.
What was he to do now? He had a reputation to uphold. He called for her husband, but he turned out to be a better man than David. He became desperate and sent him back with instructions that would eventually be fatal for Uriah. And if this wasn't bad enough, he hid it and lived with the secret until Nathan the prophet confronted him.
We know from the story that David suffered greatly for the rest of his life due to his indiscretion. We know David suffered for his sin, but we also know that others did as well. Why? Because we who have been in close relationship with pastors who have fallen have felt a residual brokenness in us as well. A brokenness that lingers and even haunts us and hunts us years after our heroes have fallen.
So, how do we deal with the hurt and pain that fallen pastors and spiritual leaders have caused us? First, realize that any man or woman of God can fall if they drift far enough. This is not just true of some; it is true of all. Second, realize that what they believe and taught you about faith in Jesus is still true even if they stopped living it.
The Bible tells us that the wages of sin is always death in some way. Remember that the devastation of their sin's impact on you is proof that what they taught you is true.
Third, at some point, you have to forgive them. If you don't forgive them for their sin and what it did to you, they will eventually become your excuse for falling back in your own faith.
Fourth, seek to restore them to the faith if possible. This won't be easy.
And last, don't stop looking for role models in the faith, even though some have disappointed you or let you down.
What they taught you and I about Jesus is still worth it. Let's ask Jesus to heal us from the hurt they caused us, so He can stop the cycle of hurt with us and use us to influence others for His glory and their good.
