I am old enough to remember the days when there was a choice between three television channels, BBC 1, BBC 2 and the local ITV company (which in my case was the late lamented Southern Television) and when if you wanted to watch a new film you needed to go to the cinema.
During my lifetime the options available for those who want to watch television programmes or other broadcast content, or to see a film have proliferated exponentially. There are literally hundreds of television channels and streaming platforms available, and broadcast content is available on other platforms like YouTube, Facebook, Tik Tok and Instagram. In addition, if a new film is not immediately available at your local cinema you can be sure that it will shortly be available on a subscription channel such as Sky, Disney, Netflix or Paramount.
The result of this proliferation of choice has been that the market share of the traditional free to air broadcasters such as BBC, ITV and Channels 4 and 5 has shrunk hugely in recent years. That is why the BBC is somewhat desperately running Louis Theroux’s ‘What has the BBC ever done for me?’ insert on a seemingly endless loop in the hope that people will respond by being willing to support the renewal of the TV licensing system on which the BBC depends for a large part of its income, and why ITV has recently agreed to sell off its broadcasting arm to Sky. It has also meant that the proportion of people watching films at the cinema has likewise shrunk, which is why cinemas have been closing.
A similar situation has developed in relation to marriage. When I was growing up there were two options for those who wished to get married. The norm was to have a religious marriage in church (normally your local Church of England church) or some other place of worship registered for weddings, and the alternative was to have a civil marriage at your local registry office. This situation was changed as a result of the Marriage Act 1994 which permitted civil marriages to take place in a wide range of ‘approved premises’, a list which has been recently extended to include outdoor venues.
As in the case of broadcasting, this proliferation of choice has meant that the market share of traditional providers, and specifically Christian churches, has dropped dramatically.
Thus, figures from the Office for National Statistics show that 246,897 marriages took place in England and Wales in 2022. Of these only 41,915 (16.97%) were conducted by any religious body, Christian or non-Christian. Of these weddings 29,045 (11,74%) took place in Anglican churches which means that only around 12,870 marriages were conducted by all other religious bodies combined. I have not been able to find more recent figures, but it seems probable that the situation today remains much the same. ‘Getting married in church’, as it used to be called, is now very much a minority pursuit.
The issue I want to explore in the remainder of this article is whether this matters from a Christian perspective. Why should people get married in Church?
As a member of the Church of England, I went on its website to see what the ‘Your wedding’ section had to say about the matter and discovered that it says nothing at all. It says in general terms why the Church of England thinks marriage is a good thing because it is ‘good for you,’ ‘good for the soul,’ ‘good for families’ and ‘good for everyone’ but it is totally silent about why someone should get married in church rather than at their local wedding venue, or stately home.
The nearest it gets to addressing this matter is in a section called ‘real weddings’ which has a selection of accounts of people’s positive experiences of getting married in a Church of England church. The implicit argument here is that you should consider getting married in a Church of England church because you will have a meaningful and enjoyable experience if you do.
The problem is that a secular wedding venue could almost certainly provide a portfolio of similar positive stories and therefore these accounts on the Church of England website do not of themselves provide a persuasive argument for getting married in church rather than in a secular venue.
To understand why it is actually important to get married in church I think we need to turn to another Church of England source, namely the ‘The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony’ in the Book of Common Prayer, the Church of England’s historic wedding liturgy, a liturgy which reflects the teaching of the Bible as this has been understood by God’s people since the earliest days of the Church.
The opening words of this liturgy, spoken by the officiating minister, run as follows:
‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this Congregation, to join together this man and this woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he wrought, in Cana of Galilee; and is commended of Saint Paul to be honourable among all men: and therefore is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to satisfy men's carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts that have no understanding; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God; duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained.
‘First, It was ordained for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy Name.
‘Secondly, It was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ's body.
Thirdly, It was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity. Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined.’
We learn a number of important things from what is said here.
First, marriage is not a human invention. It is a ‘holy estate,’ or godly way of life, instituted by God himself.
Secondly, marriage was not an afterthought. It was instituted by God at the beginning of time as part of his creation of the human race (Genesis 2: 18-25, Matthew 19:3-6) and it still continues to be ordained by him as a godly way of life, ‘honourable among all men’ (Hebrews 13:4) because it achieves three good ends:
‘…the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy Name.’
‘… a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ's body.’
‘…for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity.’
Thirdly, because this is the nature of marriage. Marriage is a very serious matter that should not be ‘… enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to satisfy men's carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts that have no understanding; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God.’
Fourthly, it is a way of life that points to the union between Christ the bridegroom and the Church as his bride, a union that was inaugurated by Christ’s life death and resurrection and which will be consummated in the eternal union with God that God’s faithful people will experience in the world to come (Ephesians 5:21-33, Revelation 19: 6-9)
If all this is true, then there are four key reasons why people should get married in church rather than in a secular venue.
The first reason is that if you want to have a Christian wedding ceremony as the law stands at the moment you have to have it in a place of Christian worship. You cannot hold a Christian wedding service at a secular venue.
The second reason is that in a secular marriage ceremony performed in a secular venue you will not hear the Christian understanding of marriage clearly and comprehensively proclaimed (when was the last time you heard about the fear of the Lord and the hope of heaven at a civil marriage?) and it is important to be reminded of it on your wedding day so that you can enter into marriage fully understanding what marriage is about and committing yourself to it on this basis.
As the Deputy Prime Minister, David Lammy, rightly says in his foreword to the new government consultation document Tying the knot: reforming weddings law in England and Wales:
‘Few days matter more than a person’s wedding day. It is the moment two people make a lifelong commitment to one another before their family, friends and community. It should be joyful, personal and a reflection of who they are, what they believe and the life they want to build together.’
If the Christian view of marriage is true then who we are is men and women created by God; what we should believe is that God has ordained marriage between men and women for the achievement of three good purposes; and the life we should want to build with our spouse is a way of life in which these good purposes are fulfilled as we move towards our eternal union with God.
The third reason is because of the twin truths noted by the great sixteenth century Anglican theologian Richard Hooker, namely that ‘nature hath need of grace’ and ‘grace hath need of nature.’ As fallen human beings we need the supernatural grace of God to begin to live God’s way. In the words of Paul in Philippians 2:12-13 ‘… work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for God is at work in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.’ However, the means which God normally uses as the channels of his grace are the natural activities of human beings, namely the preaching of the Christian faith, the administration of the sacraments, prayer and Christian fellowship.
If we want to live out our marriage in a godly way and bring up our children ‘in the fear and nurture of the Lord’ then we will need to do so in the setting provided by Christian worship and the life of the Church in general. This is not something that we will only need later on in our marriage. It is something we need from the start if our marriage is to begin on a proper footing and a Christian marriage ceremony held in a Christian place of worship signifies that this is the case.
It is particularly important to realise that we need the Christian community guiding us, surrounding us, and upholding us in view of the fact that Christian marriage will inevitably involve spiritual warfare. It is well known that the New Testament teaches that the Christian life involves warfare against spiritual powers who are opposed to God (see Ephesians 6:10-20). Nowadays we do not tend to think of marriage in this connection. However, our ancestors in the sixteenth century were wiser than we are in this respect. They were aware that a marriage will inevitably attract the assaults of the devil. As the homily ‘Of the State of Matrimony’ warns married Christians:
‘…the devil will assay all things, to interrupt and hinder your hearts and godly purpose, if you will give him any entry. For he will either labour to break this godly knot, once begun betwixt you, or else at the least he will labour to encumber it with divers griefs and displeasures. And this is his principal craft: to work dissension of hearts of the one from the other; that whereas there is now a pleasant and sweet love between you, he will in the stead thereof, bring in most bitter and unpleasant discord.’
If we are to successfully combat this assault by the devil, we will need the help of our Christian brothers and sisters, just as much as someone involved in worldly warfare will need the support of their comrades in arms. This assault will begin from day one of our marriages, so we also need the God-given help of Christian brothers and sisters from day one.
The fourth and final reason for having a Christian marriage in a place of worship is that it is important to publicly bear witness that you accept these truths and that you intend to live by them. A world that is increasingly forgetful of God needs to be reminded of the truth of what he has done, and will do, for his human creatures and how they should live in response.
A church wedding provides this kind of reminder. It is a public proclamation of Christian truth, not just to the couple who are getting married, but also to those attending their wedding ceremony and those who know it is taking place. It is part of what it means to obey Jesus’ command to ‘Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven’ (Matthew 5:16).
What all this means is that the sort of reticence about the importance of having a Christian wedding displayed by the Church of England website is a profound mistake. Just as they should be confident about proclaiming the gospel in general, churches should be confident about proclaiming the truth about why people should be married in a Christian service in a place of Christian worship. It is only if we honour God in this way that we can expect him to honour us by increasing the number of Christian weddings.
