It is natural for marriages to suffer from challenges but these could be compounded by spouses blaming each other and even cause the relationship to crumble. Michael and Carlie Kercheval, authors of "Learning to Speak Life Family Devotional" cite a few reasons why the blame game will take its toll on even the strongest relationship.
In a post on their website Fulfilling Your Vows, Michael and Carlie said one of the biggest drawbacks to blaming is that it drains the passion from a couple's marriage.
"Just as you don't like to realise that you were wrong, your spouse doesn't enjoy being told that he/she is the source of all problems that you experience. When we are put in a constant state of defense and feeling as though we are being blamed for things we have not done, it's difficult to feel romantic and passionate about the person causing those feelings," the couple wrote.
The blame game may also keep one spouse from being a stronger person as it gives the other spouse an excuse to shift the blame onto their partner instead of taking responsibility for the challenges being faced by the relationship.
However, taking responsibility for mistakes and growing from them can act as proof of a spouse's love.
"Rather than blaming those you love for being the sources of your difficulties, admitting those areas where you still are growing will show them how much you care," the couple wrote.
Michael and Carlie especially advise couples to avoid blaming each other for things that are beyond their control. Rather than blame each other, they suggest working together to solve problems as a way to strengthen the marriage instead of destroying it.
Dr. David B. Hawkins, who is also known as The Relationship Doctor reinforces the ineffectiveness of the blame game.
In a post on entitled "The Fultility of Blame" posted on Crosswalk, he said that while it may be tempting to point fingers and feel self-righteous, blame doesn't work.
"Understanding works. Empathy works. Objectivity works. Self-reflection and acceptance of responsibility works. Cooperating with your mate in seeking solutions works," he said, adding that blaming will alienate and wound rather than solve problems.
