Whenever people want to pursue something that they know they shouldn't, they often tell themselves lies to make it feel like their sins are okay, and this is exactly what one woman did before she got into an extramarital affair.
The woman, Julie Ferwerda, wrote about her own experiences in an article for Crosswalk.
"I was the last person anyone would have expected, including myself, to commit such a life-shattering sin. I'd been educated in a Christian school, memorised hundreds of scriptures, and had been involved in ministry for years," she wrote.
After engaging in an affair that ruined her life, Ferwerda retraced her steps on what led her into an adulterous relationship. She deduced that it all started with the five lies she told herself.
The first lie she told herself is that it's okay for her to indulge in fantasies just as long as no one gets hurt. Because her life was too ordinary, Ferwerda said she began to indulge in fantasies which charged her up emotionally and "fed the fire of lust with exhilarating and forbidden pleasures."
She thought it was okay because no one knew about it, but Ferwerda learned the hard way that people's thoughts inevitably become their actions."At first, my thoughts about the fantasy men I encountered in books, magazines, and movies seemed harmless. But these thoughts soon became a trap. Like a forest fire, the lust they stirred up required more and more fuel until feeding it consumed most of my time and energy," she said.
The second lie she told herself was that she would be happier with someone else. Because of her husband's busy schedule, Ferwerda often felt like an emotionally neglected wife. She dwelled upon the imperfections of her marriage and, to comfort herself, she thought how much better her life would be if she was with someone else.
But she eventually realised that she was seeking satisfaction in the wrong place, because only Jesus can truly satisfy people. "I'm happiest when I cultivate a relationship with the One who made me—heart longings and all. As I have basked consistently in the verses about Jesus' love for me and my unexplainable worth to Him, I have discovered true soul satisfaction for the first time in my life. Jesus is everything I was really looking for all along," she said.
The third lie she told herself is that life is passing her by and she deserves something better. But the truth is Ferwerda already had more than she deserved.
"My affair showed me how wrong I was about myself. I wasn't good. I didn't deserve better. I didn't even deserve a second chance. The good news is that God 'does not treat us as our sins deserve.' He offers me second chances not because I deserve them, but because of the amazing grace of Jesus," she said.
The fourth lie Ferwerda discovered is that it's not true that when others pay attention to her, they think she's special. When she felt dissatisfied with her husband, she turned to other men for comfort and assurance, and the more men who showed interest in her, the better she felt.
But Ferwerda eventually realised that people only sweet-talk themselves into getting what they want, not to make another person feel special.
"I began to realise that someone who truly valued me would uphold my spiritual health, not feed my vanity or take advantage of my emotional holes. There is nothing wrong with sincere compliments, but the admiration I find most meaningful now is when someone notices that I am developing Christ-likeness," she said.
Lastly, Ferwerda thought that she could get away with sin, but that turned out to be a big lie. And while she succeeded in hiding her affair from others for a time, her sin eventually caught up with her.
"God orchestrated some amazing events to expose my sin because he loved me too much to leave me on a path of destruction. He knew that if my sin remained hidden I would never see how ugly it was to him, and I would never understand how much it hurt my husband, my children, and myself," she shared.
When she first confessed her sin, Ferwerda felt humiliated and ashamed, but little by little, God healed her. "God began to turn the ashes of my life into beauty. He taught me that the only sins Satan can use against me are the ones I hide. Now I'm free to experience the peace that comes from being honest with other believers," she said.
