Every couple operates differently. Some couples might enjoy doing all of their activities together, while others might prefer to have some space from one another. But when it comes to spending the holidays, it's a valid question - is it okay for couples to spend it apart?
A lot of people might answer yes, but psychotherapist and couples therapist Matt Lundquist told Refinery 29 that people should really think this through.
In fact, he makes a valid point that should have a lot of Christians thinking.
"Some couples see holidays as more about the family they came from than the partner or new family they're creating," Lundquist explained.
On the other hand, others might not find the holiday season as important to their relationship and won't mind flying solo.
When couples disagree on where they should be spending Christmas, Lundquist says that a compromise has to be struck.
"Talk about the decision as a shared one," Lundquist said. "[One] that both partners made together and stand by."
Another thing that couples have to agree on is how they will respond to their families' questions about their decision. "Recognize that you and your partner may simply do your relationship differently than others are used to," Lundquist said.
If relatives get extremely pushy, Lundquist suggested that couples be firm and respond: "You don't have to understand it, but this is how we do things, we don't mean any offense, we feel great about our relationship and you're just going to have to deal."
This discussion is something that Focus On the Family has also tackled. Wilford Wooten wrote on their website that men and women come from different families, and they don't necessarily practice the same traditions. Because of this, they need to discuss what they value the most and how they would like to establish their own family traditions.
"Work for balance and fairness. For example, you might decide to spend Christmas morning with your parents and Christmas evening with your spouse's (if both live close by). The following year you might spend the whole day at home as a couple—or, if you have children, with them," he said.
Wooten stressed that couples should be open to changing their plans as needed. In doing so, couples avoid fostering hard feelings when expectations aren't met. "There may be no specific right and wrong ways for families to spend the holidays together, but there could be better ways for you to approach holiday traditions and expectations," he said.
