In the middle of a heated argument, people often get caught up in the moment and that goes for Christians too. No matter how much we might want to live by God's word to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry" (James 1:19), temper can often get the best of us and as a result, conflict escalates.
But there is a way to defuse tension like a real Christian and in the process end the conflict without coming off like a jerk.
In his blog post, Christian writer John Backman says one of way is taking a breather. Instead of snapping back with a sharp retort about the last thing that was said, it would be better to hold your tongue, take a moment to process before engaging in the conversation anew.
"The key is to remember that, back off and breathe. Your soft answer may not get in right away, but when it does, it may have way more impact," he said.
An openness to find common ground is also one of the keys to finding peace in an argument. Finding a common point to agree on is already a battle half won, which will further be helped along by choosing your words carefully.
While short term solutions to conflict are well and good, finding long term solutions are even more rewarding.
"Short-run strategies are useful. They're even more useful when joined to the longer-term, larger work God is doing in our lives: the slow turning of our hearts away from self and toward God as the Spirit conforms us to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29). The more completely we open our hearts to God, the more we reflect the fruits that are closest to God's heart, including peace, gentleness and self-control. From fruits like these come the soft answer not just as a quick fix, but as our first instinct, replacing (or at least mitigating) fight-or-flight with calm and compassion," he said.
Solving conflicts peacefully is very helpful but what if it can be avoided?
Dr. David Hawkins, the director of the Marriage Recovery Center, cites that it is not just emotions that play a factor in raging conflict, especially between married couples. He said that physical and emotional aspects like hunger, anger, tiredness also contribute to the escalation of arguments.
"To engage in conflict when you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired is to set yourself up for failure. Make an agreement to only discuss serious issues at the right time, the right place and in the right way. Then notice the positive change," he said.
