Forgiveness sets us free from the prison of offense. The Bible tells us that God wants us to be forgiving of people who offend us, no matter how many times they come to ask for our forgiveness (see Matthew 18:21-22). It's something that God wants us to do; we were also forgiven, after all.
Benefits of forgiveness
The Bible tells us that forgiveness is essential to our own spiritual welfare. First, when we forgive, we will also be forgiven. The Lord Jesus said in Matthew 6:14-15,
"For if you forgive men for their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men for their sins, neither will your Father forgive your sins."
Second, we successfully prevent the enemy from gaining a foothold. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:26-27,
"Be angry but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Do not give place to the devil."
Difficulty in releasing offenses
Still, even with the positive outflow of forgiveness, many of us find it hard to forgive. Why is that? I hope to share with you a few possible reasons why, and how we can overcome them.
1) We feel or think like we didn't "deserve" to be hurt
This one's a no-brainer, really. We simply got hurt, but we don't accept that. "I didn't deserve this," we think. Being offended or hurt in any way is not a pleasant experience, and the thought of not deserving the pain just adds more insult to the unwanted injury.
2) We want to get even
Another reason why we all find it hard to forgive those who offend us is because we actually want to get even with them. They hurt us, and so we desire to hit back at them and hurt them too. That's the sinful nature working naturally.
3) We want them to be sorry they hurt us
Lastly, we all want our offenders to admit they did us wrong, tell us they're sorry, and beg for our forgiveness. We usually feel the (unnecessary) "need" for them to come to us and beg for pardon before we actually forgive them.
Breaking free from the weight of unforgiveness
My friend, let me assure you that if you are willing to forgive, you can forgive anybody who has offended you. There's no reason for us not to be able to forgive. Even if any or all of the three reasons above rung true to you, forgiving your offender is not impossible to do.
So how do you do it? How do you forgive anybody who has harmed you? By remembering that you've been forgiven, too. This is the amazing revelation that came to the criminal hanging on a cross next to Jesus as He was being crucified. He knew he was a criminal who deserved his punishment while Jesus didn't, and in humility he asked the Lord to remember him. Friends, we are this criminal hanging on the cross next to the Lord.
Ephesians 4:31-32 commands us,
"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (Emphasis mine)
Friends, if God can forgive us even after all the sins we've committed from the time we were born, His grace can help us forgive our offenders no matter what.
We don't have to feel justified, that we "really did not deserve" the pain. We don't have to hear our offenders say "sorry." And we don't have to get back at them either. We simply have to release the offense to God, who can heal our wounds.
Be free from the weight of offense, my friend. Be free.
