A marriage without respect cannot be expected to thrive. Hence, it's important for spouses to make sure they maintain love and respect in their union.
"Where respect falls in the hierarchy of needs and desires may differ somewhat between men and women, but it's a vital need for both sexes. Not demonstrating respect to your spouse will kill any real intimacy between you. Without respect you cannot be — and feel — connected to each other," Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley, a board certified OB-Gyn physician and an ordained doctor of ministry, wrote for Charisma News.
Wives often feel like their husbands should earn their respect before giving it, but Peters-Tanksley asked what they will do if their husbands demand the same thing — earn his love before giving it. So in short, wives should voluntarily offer their respect to their husbands whenever possible. In the same vein, husbands should be reminded that the respect they show their wives causes her spirit to either shrivel and die or thrive and grow.
Peters-Tanksley then provided 10 tips on how spouses can show godly love towards one another.
The first tip is pretty simple, although hard to do: Listen. "Paying attention to and devoting real energy to understanding what your spouse is trying to communicate shows that you value what they have to say. Listening without interrupting or putting them down shows that their thoughts, ideas, opinions, and feelings are important to you," she said.
The second tip is to seek out their opinion. She said people should not always wait for their spouse to initiate conversation, and try to seek out ways and times when they can ask their spouse how things went with work, and what they are currently interested in.
Next, Peter-Tanksley said people should celebrate their spouse's triumphs. "When your spouse accomplishes something that was a challenge, reaches a milestone or takes an active step toward fulfilling a dream, celebrate with them. Make a big deal — in appropriate measure — over their win," she urged. "Brag about their win to others, as appropriate. Be your spouse's biggest cheerleader."
The fourth tip is to avoid criticism. Peter-Tanksley clarified that this does not mean people should just turn a blind eye over their spouse's mistakes. It simply means they should not nag and skip making condescending comments.
The fifth advice Peter-Tanksley has to give is for people to guard their spouse's reputation. "There will be things your spouse does that you don't like, or that hurt you. Don't air their dirty laundry to your friends, on social media or otherwise in public," she explained. "If there are some serious issues about which you need advice or support, seek out a counselor, pastor or older godly Christian to get input from — privately."
Similarly, people should speak well of their spouses in public. This sixth tip is one of the most powerful ways in which people can show respect to their spouses, and it will even make one's spouse feel validated.
The next tip is to apologise when one has caused pain. People never want their spouses to dismiss their hurt feelings, so people should be mindful not to make the same mistake.
Peter-Tanksley's eighth advice is to take good care of one's self in the way that their spouse can be proud of them. "You're not doing it because your spouse wants you to, but taking care of your health, your appearance and your attitudes/behavior shows you care enough about your relationship to bring your best self to it," she said.
Peter-Tanksley also advised people to study their spouse and be aware of their moods, fears, strengths, and love language. When people pay attention, they demonstrate respect.
Lastly, they should adopt this mindset: "If it's important to you, it's important to me."
"If your spouse cares about something, you must care about it, too. You may not feel the same as your spouse does about sports, fashion or what a particular person says or does, but you can care about it because you care about your spouse and the impact that issue, person or situation has on them," she said.
