Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) has unfortunately been popularised and romanticised in E.L. James' bestselling novel Fifty Shades of Grey of late. But people who have experienced BDSM first hand can guarantee that there is nothing romantic or enjoyable about it.
Annie Lobert, a former call girl who became a Christian and started the Hookers for Christ ministry told The Christian Post that BDSM is in truth very degrading and only blurs the lines of love.
"My pimp would beat me and then force me to have sex with him. I never enjoyed the pain—rather I was completely freaked out, afraid, emotionally and physically hurt. This behaviour never turned me on; I was completely disgusted by it," she recalled.
When her escort agency received a call for a dominatrix role, Lobert took it. "I was pretty bitter from the abuse that I experienced from my sex trafficker and in revenge mode on men," she admitted. "Greedy and hungry to finally be in control – I was curious and wanted to see what this BDSM lifestyle was all about."
As Fallen (her sex industry name), Lobert got to beat and punish her clients, and they were so pleased with the treatment that they continued to call on her.
"In their minds, a fantasy love/relationship had started. As this progressed, I got to know many of them and asked why they enjoyed BDSM. The answers varied: as 'a way to let off steam' and 'to let go of control,'" she shared.
She realised that the men who enjoyed BDSM had mother-to-son abusive relationships, as well as physical and sexual relationships with other men. Many CEOs sought it because they longed to surrender the control they had over their companies.
"With many of my clients, the more they practised BDSM, the more intensity they wanted. And like a drug, they were never satisfied - they always wanted a more severe beating," said Lobert.
The more the men dabbled in BDSM, the more they wanted to explore other avenues of pain, and things got so severe that Lobert felt scared. "What if they end up getting really hurt?" she questioned.
She says the men sought pain and punishment but what they really wanted was love. "I believe these men were looking for love through BDSM, and missing the mark - and this is why it never satisfied. Real love doesn't dominate. Love doesn't push. Love's intent isn't to create pain. Love's intent is to create a relationship of peace, safety and security, emotionally and relationally when it comes to intimacy," she said.
Lobert slammed BDSM for turning people's lives upside down, teaching people that old-fashioned love is boring, and that hurting the people you love can be exciting. "Normalising abuse is not the answer to our pain, and it eventually leads to a darker road of more severe abuses," she warned.
There are no happy endings for people who dabble in BDSM, she concluded. Lobert said that Fifty Shades of Grey might have had a happy ending, but it's still a work of fiction.
