Marriage is a great thing, and so is the engagement period that precedes the wedding. Many men and women get to prepare themselves physically, emotionally and socially during this stage, but while the excitement might be very high, the amount of care taken to protect each other should be very high as well.
Engagement problems
As with every stage of a relationship, the engagement stage hosts a few problems that are quite common. Newlyweds face problems adjusting to their new life together. Couples who have been together for a long time face the problem of becoming emotionally distant, especially those who didn't work on their relationship in the early stages of their marriage.
These issues are frequently covered. But what doesn't often get attention is the problems that can be encountered in the engagement period. The reality is that soon-to-be-married couples can also come across some issues.
To help young brides-to-be enjoy the engagement period and prepare for a wonderful marriage, here are some weaknesses common to young men that they need to be aware of – and pray hard for.
1) Young men can be tempted to fall back into the 'safe zone'
Young men, especially those who are close to their moms, have a tendency to fall back into a safe zone commonly called "home." Once they feel hurt by the woman they are going to marry they might look for some comfort in the company of friends, their parents, or just being by themselves. They might do this instead of facing the problem head-on.
Some men might be emotionally distant from the women they love and hurt them without knowing it. It's like getting married but treating the wife like a roommate. This can happen when they feel like they've 'bagged' their lady and make the mistake of thinking no more effort is required. This can be especially painful for the woman if she sees her soon-to-be-spouse pouring all his affection onto his doting mother. She can wonder why he is not doing the same with her and start to compare.
Notice why the Bible explicitly says men must leave their fathers and mothers so that they can be joined to their wives (see Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31). God surely knows that men will need to leave their homes (comfort zones) if they want to marry. As future wives, be prepared for all the possibilities and - tactfully - try to address concerns before the wedding day.
2) Young men can be tempted to make inappropriate advances towards the women they are to marry
Ladies, don't you ever give in to a man who can't control himself. Some men think that since they're going to marry the woman they proposed to (hopefully she said yes), they can go on and have sex even before the wedding day. "We're getting married anyway," he says. This is wrong.
Ladies, your fiancé's attraction to you can cause him to be tempted to make advances towards you (see James 1:14). Although it is a common problem, it's not right for a man to "awaken love until it so desires" (see Song of Solomon 2:7) and pressure you to have sex with him before marriage.
Marriage is to be honored above all, and the marriage bed kept pure and undefiled by promiscuity, premarital sex, and adulterous behavior (see Hebrews 13:4). Don't give in to any sexual advances. Better yet, draw the line and be committed to abstain from physical relations with your fiancé before marriage.
3) Young men have this inborn desire to compete – and seek praise
Ladies, young men are very competitive. Men are driven to perform and achieve, and desire to be honored and recognized. It's an innate longing that makes them feel fulfilled.
When it comes to marriage, men long to sweep their wives off their feet. No matter who they are or what they do, they long for their wives to praise them, appreciate them, and respect them. Simply put, if men want to prove to others in the workplace or in the basketball courts that they can do great things, they also want to make their wives go "wow" with what they can do.
Knowing this, ladies, it would be a good thing for you to focus on his positive aspects instead of his failures and shortcomings. While it's never good to deny them the much-needed and life-saving rebukes and corrections that they should hear (see Proverbs 27:5; James 5:19-20), it's never good to ignore the good things they do and just focus on their flaws or mistakes (see 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Philippians 4:8).
An encouragement
Ladies, the man you marry someday will become your first ministry. How you treat him will either drive him closer to or farther away from God - and closer or farther away from you. The Lord will help you as you rely on Him for your marriage. God bless you.
