Why does Billy Graham's grandson Tullian want to let people see him at his worst?

Tullian Tchividjian says he ‘wants to crawl into a hole’ and ‘disappear’ after his fall from grace.

Billy Graham's grandson Tullian Tchividjian, who has admitted to an extramarital affair several weeks back, has  provided an update regarding "the good, the bad, and the ugly" parts of his life as he now struggles to find a job and keep his family intact.

"As you can imagine, the last few months have changed my life forever. Nothing will ever be the same," he wrote on his Facebook page. A part of him hopes that what he is facing now is all a bad dream, but he only wakes up every morning realising that "this nightmare is real."

The Tchividjian family is overwhelmed, to say the least, and members of the family honestly do not know how things will unfold. Because of his affair, Tullian was forced to resign from his position at the Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. He now spends his days looking for a job so that the bills can be paid.

But Tullian wants nothing more than to lay low following his fall from grace. "To be quite honest, I want to crawl into a hole and be anonymous for a long, long time. I don't want a stage, a platform, a microphone, a spotlight. I want to disappear. Nothing seems more appealing to me on most days than to simply vanish," he revealed.

"But here's my struggle: I actually believe the message that I've preached with all my might (and which I need now more than ever). If I only let you see me when I'm 'good' and 'strong' and polished and 'at the top', I undermine the very message that I claim to believe," he added. "I am tempted to hide until I am 'shiny' again. But if I run away because I don't want you to see me broken and weak and sad and angry and struggling with fear and guilt and shame, then I fail to practice what I preach — and one of the many things I've learned from this is that failing to practice what you preach is destructive."

Tullian is committed to let people see him at his worst, because, he said, "at the lowest point in life, Jesus Christ is there."

He said he might try to run away, refuse to pray, get angry at God, and try to rationalise his sins, but ultimately, Tullian knows that only he is to blame for what is happening in his life right now.