I remember not ever truly fitting in with the others in high school. Because of this I went through many stages of trying to recreate myself just to fit in—be chosen.
In my twenties I became fascinated with entering beauty pageants and modelling. Yes, I tried them all because I was adamant that I didn't want to get past the age requirement and have regrets of never entering. One after the other I would be unsuccessful, and I was deeply disappointed.
I also tried modelling, falling in love with the fashion world. I had a little more success in that world, and it taught me poise and to accept my body, but that was as far as that went. I remember getting so frustrated that I asked my then mentor, why I wasn't finding more success in these areas? She prayed with me and advised me that God had wanted me to know that that path was not my journey.
This was extremely hard for me to accept, because all I had wanted to be was 'chosen'. To fit in. I wanted to be chosen for these pageants and modelling contracts because that would prove to others that I was beautiful and just like them. Actually, I realised I wanted it more because I would believe I was beautiful and belonged.
But God already chose me
As I grew more in my walk and faith with God, I came to realise that it was very unhealthy to crave man's approval so much and that just maybe God had not given it to me then because it could have taken me down a dark path – a misunderstood path. One that would make me self-absorbed and/or self-righteous.
God wanted me to understand that my worth came from and through him and that he had already chosen me...yes, God had chosen me...just by the very fact that I was here on earth.
There are a million wonders and realities that go into us being born here on earth, and yet, we are here. It just means we were meant to be here.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well (Psalm chapter 139 verse 4).
You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you (St John chapter 15 verse 16).
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them (Ephesians chapter 2 verse 10).
I just needed to now choose him back and so I began to do that by reading his word, spending time to pray, getting involved in praise and worship and truly seeking his face. In that time, I found the heart of my creator and began to understand all the things God had called me to like and all the gifts he gave me that would channel my purpose for his kingdom. My focus now had to be different.
Chosen beyond measure
And then it will happen. The very humans you wanted to choose you, will see the light of God in you as you develop your gifts and walk in your purpose for him. Maybe not the same humans for the exact same situations, but for the new ones your new life will require.
You may be asked to join the praise and worship team, dance ministry, teach Sunday school, deliver a sermon, serve in missions, or write an article/poem. Or, you may simply just move into your calling and start the ministry yourself.
The more I got involved with God's work, the more chosen I felt. The more places I saw that I could serve and develop my God-given gifts and talents for his glory.
Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established (Proverbs chapter 16 verse 3).
For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure (Philippians chapter 2 verse 13).
For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building (1 Corinthians chapter 3 verse 9).
It is natural as humans to want to be chosen by others, to feel special, be included and involved. We must always remember that we are already chosen and special, and that man's approval is not the green light we need to live our lives by. Our Father God has, in his very design of our existence, ensured that we are wanted, special, unique and of course chosen. As his chosen, he loves us dearly and nothing will ever change that.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below – indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans chapter 8 verse 38 – 39).
No matter what afflicts you in this life, always remember that you are already and always will be chosen by God.
Live in that love and freedom.