Former Blue Peter and Sky Sports presenter Simon Thomas was at times hanging on to his faith "by one finger" after the death of his wife three days after she was diagnosed with cancer.
He opened up on Songs of Praise about his desperate struggle to cling onto his faith following Gemma's death in 2017 and how at times he felt like God had "gone quiet".
Despite the wrestling, he promised God that he would not give up his faith and he came to feel the "peace that passes all understanding".
It was a new experience for the TV presenter, who admitted that prior to the loss of his wife of 12 years, that peace had eluded him.
"I just thought it was a nice place to be, and I feel peaceful, but actually it's because you feel that sense of peace in almost the impossible situations in which to find peace," he said.
"And in those three days where everything's coming at you – we're wondering what on earth acute myeloid leukaemia is, and we're wondering is she going to survive this, and all those kind of things are crowding on your mind.
"What it did is it gave me peace, even amidst the noise and the fear. And it gives me the hope that one day I'm going to see her again."
In his conversation with Songs of Praise presenter, Sean Fletcher, he described faith as the "glue" in their marriage and what helps him in bringing up their son, Ethan.
"You know, it's the reference point for my life," he said.
Before Gemma passed away, he promised her that he would hold onto his faith. He also made the same promise to God, praying: "God, I will not forsake you, I'm not going to give up on my faith, this is going to be the biggest, hardest test of my faith I'm ever going to go through."
At times, though, that promise was harder to keep than others and he shared one particularly desperate moment when he was struggling to feel God's comfort.
"I'm trying to find you, God, in all this and I can't. It feels like you've gone quiet," he recalled praying.
He admitted that it had been hard at times to reconcile his faith in Jesus and his death on the cross with the reality of losing Gemma.
"The story of what Jesus did on the cross is what my faith is based on, and yet at times that's impossible to get your head around and to draw comfort from," he said.
"Because you're thinking 'How does that help me in the here and now?', I've got however many more years left on this earth without Gemma.
"At times I've literally been holding on by one finger to my faith, because that gives the direction for everything else."
Even though the last few years have been tough, his testimony today is that God hasn't gone anywhere.
"He's not left my side, he has not left me," he said.
