A new book examining the psychology of marriage and commitment argues that young adults remain strongly attracted to marriage despite falling marriage rates and the widespread acceptance of cohabitation.
Dr Harry Benson, research director at The Marriage Foundation, says the overwhelming majority of young people still regard marriage as a powerful expression of commitment and aspire to marry someday.
His new book, Reliable Love: The Psychology of Marriage and Commitment, draws together decades of research alongside his own doctoral work to explore why married couples tend to have more stable relationships than those who cohabit without marrying.
According to figures cited in the book, 93% of young men and 96% of young women regard marriage as either a “very strong or fairly strong sign of commitment,” while almost 90% of young adults say they would like to marry.
Dr Benson argues that this desire reflects a wider search among younger generations for what he describes as “reliable love” - a relationship in which both partners have clearly expressed their intention to build a lasting life together.
He linked this aspiration to the popularity of Taylor Swift, whose highly publicised wedding to NFL star Travis Kelce took place last month, saying the singer’s music has frequently reflected themes of commitment, uncertainty and the desire for lasting love.
He explained: “Whether you call them Gen Z, Swifties or just young people, they understand the importance of marriage and the statement it makes.
"These sentiments are regardless of wealth, but because of the psychology behind marriage - the desire to find reliable love, love we can trust - is what most young people want. Marriage provides this by each person committing to a life together and then celebrating that commitment in front of their friends and family.”
While marriage rates in Britain have fallen considerably over recent decades, Dr Benson argues that the rise in family breakdown cannot simply be attributed to divorce.
Divorce rates themselves have declined and have fallen to levels not seen since the 1970s, according to previous Marriage Foundation research.
Instead, he argues: “The problem is not divorce, the end of marriages, but the growing number of breakups among couples who never married.”
Central to the book is the argument that marriage may contribute to relationship stability in its own right, rather than married couples simply being more likely to remain together because they tend to be wealthier, better educated or older.
Dr Benson challenges previous research from the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS), which attributed much of the difference in stability between married and unmarried couples to these “selection effects”.
As part of his doctoral research, Dr Benson says he identified missing data in earlier studies and subsequently repeated the analysis using a more complete dataset.
His findings suggest that marriage explain 50% of the disparity in relationship stability between the two groups.
The probability of separation among couples who married at some point was 26%, while the figure rose to 46% among couples who remained unmarried.
Dr Benson’s doctoral work, ‘The Stability Advantage’, published earlier this year by the Centre for Social Justice (CSJ), made the same case.
That study followed more than 3,200 first-time parents over 14 years and found that married parents were significantly more likely to remain together even after accounting for a range of socio-economic and demographic factors. Married couples in the poorest fifth of households were more likely to remain together than unmarried couples in the wealthiest fifth.
The CSJ report also linked family stability with greater economic mobility, arguing that family breakdown can contribute to the persistence of poverty.
In Reliable Love, Dr Benson suggests that the greater stability associated with marriage can partly be explained through the psychology of commitment.
He points to theories suggesting that making a deliberate and public commitment can influence how people subsequently approach their relationship.
He argues: “When people get married, they are making a decision followed by an action. Cognitive consistency theory says their attitudes and behaviour should then align in a way that is consistent with the decision and action taken.
"Signal theory says that the decision to marry sends a signal to each spouse about their mutual commitment.
"Words are cheap. But the act of marriage in front of family and friends necessarily involves the sacrifice of alternatives and a willingness to embrace the higher exit barriers.”
He continued: “Marriage is more than a piece of paper. It changes how couples think about their future together. It provides clarity where there might otherwise be ambiguity, signals commitment to one another, and creates a shared expectation that the relationship is intended to last.”
The book also considers differences between men’s and women’s attitudes towards marriage, and argues that men are more likely to delay marriage during their 20s before their desire to wed increases substantially during their 30s “by which time more women have given up hope of getting married”.
Among people in their 30s, he cites figures showing that 79% of men consider marriage important, compared with 73% of women.
He wrote: “It used to be that boys had to prove themselves in order to get the girl. The price of sex was commitment. No more. Now it’s all on a plate. The result is ambiguity. And ambiguity is a relationship killer. How can we find reliable love if we don’t know where we stand? Maybe the old way wasn’t that bad after all.”
He suggests that the widespread acceptance of cohabitation has removed some of the social pressure that once encouraged couples to make an explicit decision about their future, potentially leaving some relationships characterised by uncertainty or “drift”.
“We value marriage intuitively, but we find it hard to express how or why marriage differs from mere cohabitation,” Dr Benson writes.
“Even if young adults no longer have to go through the social, psychological and legal gateway of marriage in order to sleep with one another, almost all acknowledge that marriage is the ultimate sign of commitment and reliable love.”
He concludes by encouraging couples seeking lasting relationships to make deliberate choices about commitment to one another through marriage, rather than allowing their relationships to simply progress through inertia.
