Privacy is an important thing. Without privacy, we won't feel secure and free to be ourselves. In marriage, however, there's something that trumps personal privacy: integrity in the marriage relationship.
This brings me to ask, should married couples keep messages and other such correspondence private from each other? Let's talk about that.
When privacy becomes a problem
Men and women value their individual personal privacy. We want to keep some things to ourselves because we consider these things important, or at least personal. While it's OK to keep some things private, we need to realize that when we get married we become one with our spouse. The Lord Jesus Himself quoted Genesis 2:24, which said:
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
As such, married couples need to understand that they become one with each other. The husband becomes the wife's male counterpart, and the wife the husband's female counterpart. What happens to one of them affects the other, whether they like it or not, and no matter what they do in an attempt to prevent that.
As such, personal privacy becomes a matter of secondary importance. What the husband does, either in secret or in the open, will affect his wife, and vice-versa. Any secret conversation or correspondence that any of them has with a person outside of the marriage relationship will affect the other spouse in one way or another.
Worse, because secrets are kept, the trust and the honesty between the husband and the wife are negatively affected. Wives, in particular, will feel that their husband is cheating on them even though the husband is talking to a friend about something as innocent as a car radiator.
What to do, then?
Dear friends, I would recommend that you don't keep any message or correspondence a secret from your spouse. Being honest and transparent, and allowing your spouse to know what your dealings are will greatly help both of you.
We should follow Genesis 2:25, which says of Adam and Eve's relationship before the Lord:
"And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."
I know that might be difficult for some very private person to do that, but I encourage you to do it: it's very, very liberating. Here are some practical ways married couples can do this to each other:
- Avoid using the incognito feature on your internet browser
- Don't delete the internet history and cache until your spouse has seen it
- Allow your spouse to check the messages on your mobile phone, archived or not
- Don't resent your spouse when he or she asks you about your day, but instead share
- Place your laptop or computer in a place where your spouse can see what you are doing on it
Remember, friend, that if you don't have anything to hide, then there's no need to fear. Live transparently. Christ paid a very high price for us to live in the light, out and away from the dark.
