Marriage is a great gift, but it's not a gift for everyone. In the time that I have served in ministry overseeing young professionals, I have seen firsthand the anxiety that young people feel after years of waiting for "the one." Many times I have challenged young men and women to process whether marriage is really for them, only to find that many of them did not even stop to consider whether God was really calling them to get married.
Marriage nowadays can be a whole lot of glitter and glamour. Young men and women often only want to look at the bright sides of companionship, intimacy and cuddles in the evening but don't look at the responsibilities, commitment, boundaries and sacrifices. Yes, marriage is a wonderful thing, but so is singledom and celibacy.
I guess that's hard to take from a guy who has been happily married for four years now, but living celibate can be a very fulfilling live for those called to it. So, is marriage really for you? Here are four key questions to know whether it is or is not.
Are you founded on your relationship with Christ?
The foundation of any relationship (or the absence of one) is our relationship with Jesus Christ. Any attempt to be celibate or married without first ensuring our satisfaction in a relationship with Christ is going to make life quite hard for ourselves. 1 Corinthians 3:11 says, "For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ." Are you founded in your relationship with Christ? That's a good place to start when considering marriage or celibacy.
What's your purpose?
God has a purpose for us all (Jeremiah 29:11) and we know that it is good, pleasing and perfect (Romans 12:2). But our purpose will be very different from other people's purposes. When considering marriage or celibacy, have you weighed it with your purpose? Can you serve God's purpose for you alone or are you meant to do it with another person by your side all the way?
Do you want a family?
Sometimes we may miss to ask ourselves this. Not all marriages result in children, but they are a natural follow-on so it's important to consider whether you really want children in your life. We're not to find ultimate joy from our family, because that's a hole only Jesus can fill, but having a family can serve a great purpose in our lives and help us grow in Christ-likeness. If you find it hard to imagine going your whole life without children being a part of it, it's reasonable to be preparing yourself for marriage.
Are you capable of the commitment and sacrifice of a long-term relationship?
Long-term commitment in the context of romance, again, just isn't for everyone. No that doesn't mean you can just date for the rest of your life, but it does mean you can pour out more time and energy on other relationships such as career-related ones, family, and friendships. And of course, it means you can nurture a special focus on your relationship with God that married people might not have the time for.
