Joshua Harris, the hero of the evangelical purity movement, has hinted he may have been wrong to suggest traditional dating was dangerous.
After years of intense criticism as well as a cult status in the "True Love Waits" abstinence campaign, the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye has admitted the book may have been harmful to some readers.
"I want to do more than just say, 'Oh, I should have said a few things differently,' he said. "I just need to listen to where people are before I come out with my own thoughts... I don't have all the answers yet."
In an interview with Slate almost two decade after the book was first published in 1997, Harris said: "What I was writing about was 'Avoid this pain, avoid these mistakes, don't do these things,'
"Is that really how we grow as human beings?"
Although he still upholds the traditional evangelical view that sex is only for heterosexual marriage, Harris is questioning some of his assumptions when he wrote the book aged 21. Namely the desire of parents to control the actions of their children; the notion that sexual mistakes are irreversible; and the "formulaic approach to relationships that somehow guarantees a happy outcome".
Now married, a father of three and a former megachurch pastor, Harris has recently called for reactions to his book. Critics set up a blog entitled Life After I Kissed Dating Goodbye to solicit people's stories.
Some of the responses have been damning. One reader wrote: "I have been married to my wife for over seven years. We've been together over ten. We have a beautiful daughter, and successful careers.
"When we were dating, we had sex. Because of the shameful purity movement rhetoric we learned from your book, sex became tainted. To this day, I cannot be intimate with my wife without feeling like I'm doing something wrong. Sinful. Impure.
"We both adored your book as young people. And I believe our diligent commitment to your ideas, and our 'failing to stay pure until marriage' has permanently damaged our relationship.
"Years of truth and counseling later, I cannot get the subconscious idea out of my head that I am doing something wrong."
Harris has admitted many of the consequences of his book were negative.
"I know in many ways it's too late for me to fix something for people who feel like they've been hurt by the books," he said in the interview.
He has stopped short of a full blown apology, however, though he is going to begin studying the religious purity culture that influenced him as a young man, and is re-evaluating the book's impact.
"Part of the reason this has been so hard for me is that I have so much of my identity tied up in these books. It's what I'm known for," he said.
"It's like, well, c**p, is the biggest thing I've done in my life this really huge mistake?"
