Pull out your best shoulder pads and fire up the Prokofiev - the nation's favourite business-and-bickering-based TV show is back. The Apprentice returned on Tuesday night, complete with iconic front man Lord Sugar, sidekicks Nick and Karen, and a record 20 candidates, all armed with the usual combination of swaggering bravado and staggering incompetence.
The opening episode pitted boys against girls in a straightforward sales task that nevertheless revealed plenty of skill weaknesses and character flaws among the contestants. While it wasn't a classic, there were plenty of moments (mainly gut-wrenchingly awkward ones) to remind us why we love the show - and to offer important guidance on how not to do business, lead, or behave as a human being.
Here then are five reasons why I love The Apprentice, and some of the life and leadership lessons I think we learn as a result of watching it...
1. The genius of Lord Sugar's withering put-downs
Who doesn't love watching a working-class-boy-made-good tearing strips off the men and women who think they're it? He only really got into second gear in episode one, but Lord Sugar's status as a revered business icon means that - like Simon Cowell on The X-Factor - his praise is craved and his criticism hurts. He stopped Canadian-born motormouth Steven in his tracks with the rather indelicate: "may I respectfully say to you... Shut up!"
The life lesson: Don't go on The Apprentice.
2. The extraordinary levels of arrogance among the contestants
One of the aspects of the show which never fails to enrapture and confound viewers is the candidate monologues, obviously filmed before the process begins. Heaven knows how they make these people say this stuff: "There's no 'I' in team - famous saying - but there's five in individual brilliance" was one of last night's classics, rivalled by "I'm an alpha male, I can make women do what I want in the business world... come to think of it, some men." And let's not forget Robert, whose "absolute worst nightmare" is "getting to age 40 with a 50k salary and a four-year-old Toyota. It's just not going to happen."
The life lesson: Have these people not actually seen The Apprentice? Pride comes before a fall...
3. The Schadenfreude of seeing justice served
The levels of misplaced self-belief among the candidates only make their inevitable downfalls more hilarious. Chiles Cartwright, episode one's unfortunate loser, told the camera that within his family he's known as 'the Golden boy', and that "towards the end of the process I will identify people's strengths and weaknesses and play on them." Which presumably he'll now be doing from the sofa...
The life lesson: Nobody likes - or wants to follow - arrogance. But it is quite fun to watch arrogance learn a lesson.
4. The total unpredictability of who'll win - or get fired
The first episode was a perfect example of how the person you're sure will get fired, usually doesn't. Chiles made a bad mistake (he led a team which wasted time getting t-shirts printed, then didn't even bother picking them up from the printers to sell them), but he was by no means the most disastrous candidate on show. 'PA and hypnotherapist' Sarah delivered a masterclass in bad leadership for the girls, but was rescued from a certain firing because her team won the task. Meanwhile Scott and Jemma (who? Exactly) barely appeared on screen, such was their input for their teams - they won't be allowed to hide for long.
The life lesson: Good leadership involves taking responsibility - and your share of the blame. Nothing disenfranchises people faster than trying to palm that blame off onto others.
5. The realisation that you could probably do better than this
Let's admit it - we've all sat there and thought it. Surely we wouldn't behave like headless chickens if we were to undertake these same challenges? Yet there's clearly something very disruptive about taking these (albeit jumped-up) fishes out of their comfortable waters, and throwing them into the wild seas of a competitive, televised practical business exam. On the basis of the show, you wouldn't employ these people to run a branch of Greggs. The only sane conclusion: it must be harder than it looks...
The life lesson: It always looks easier from the sidelines. Despite all the arrogance, we should have a little respect for these men and women prepared to humiliate themselves for our entertainment.
The Apprentice is back - with a bang. And the best news: there's still another 11 shows to go. With 19 more candidates, and plenty of surprises promised, that's a recipe for TV Bliss.
Martin Saunders is an author, screenwriter, and the Deputy Chief Executive of Youthscape. You can follow him on Twitter @martinsaunders
