In a bid to prove we can be cool and #relevant, Christians are all over Twitter. The thing is, not everyone's quite got the hang of it...
1. 'Looking for a Proverbs 31 woman'
Try working on yourself, friend, rather than worrying about someone else's ability to gather flax. Or you know, get off Twitter and actually talk to a real person.
2. 'Gun-totin', Bible-believin', blood-boilin' patriot'
While some churches may indeed hand out shotguns more readily than Bibles, your membership to the NRA isn't anything to shout about. And while we're at it, neither is your love of the Confederate flag.
3. 'Favoured and redeemed child of the Most High, living with arms outstretched, standing on the unchanging word of God and praying on my knees for revival'
Christian jargon is exhausting at the best of times, and made even more confusing when you're trying to work out how one can stand and kneel at the same time. Brings back memories of that disastrous pilates class.
4. 'Devoted husband of my smokin' hot best friend'
I'm sure she's a real treat but keep it to yourself, buddy.
5. 'Follower of Jesus and Donald Trump'
Unacceptable. Just entirely unacceptable.
6. '#TeamJesus #ChildoftheKing #LoverofRighteousness #authentic #worshipper #missional #disciple #single #blessed'
Summed up as a string of nonsensical words thrown together that mean little to nothing out of context, this approach may be all encompasing, but doesn't actually say much other than you don't understand hashtags.
7. 'Don't follow me, follow Jesus'
A masterclass in missing the point.
