Despite growing up in a devout Christian home, Chicago writer Elizabeth King became an atheist.
King admitted that she once "believed in the Bible" and "feared hell," but when she became a teenager, she found herself veering away from her family's Born-Again beliefs.
"The story of my departure from the church resembles those of many others who have abandoned the flock," she wrote in an article for The Washington Post. "When I was about 16, I started asking questions during services that my youth pastors couldn't or didn't want to answer."
Because of this, she lost her faith in God. King said she did not even make a choice—she slowly stopped believing in God until all her faith in Him had gone. However, shaking God off wasn't as easy as King thought.
"God lingers with me," she confessed. "Somehow God has found a way to stick around in my mind. He's present."
As much as she tries to stay true to her atheist beliefs, King said the idea of God still "pesters" her and makes her question her stance about Christianity.
"Maybe I'm still subconsciously afraid of hell and want to go to heaven when I die. It's confusing and frustrating to feel the presence of something you don't believe in," she said.
God's presence in her life makes her question herself because when people become atheists, King explains that they "are doing hard work to battle against what our minds are generally inclined and well-equipped to do: believe."
Even though she is still uncertain whether to stick with atheism or Christianity, King concedes that she just might be stuck with God's "shadow" for the rest of her life.
"While I remain steadfast in my (non)belief, I also feel I have no choice but to accept that I'm an atheist with a sense for God and that without this kink in my beliefs, I might not strive to understand myself better," she said.
