One of the responsibilities I have in our local church is to lead the community for single young professionals and occasionally organise activities and events that will help them in the season of life that they are currently in. Often times, when I ask my core volunteers for ideas for the next event, at least one person will usually bring up the idea of an activity that will help people find "the one."
Marriage is a desire that God puts in many hearts and it could be in yours, but maybe despite that strong desire you still haven't found the person that you will be spending the rest of your life with. I have met many single professionals in their late twenties to early forties who have grown an anxiety and a sense of failure because they haven't found the one.
It can be disheartening and a spiritual weight that bothers many believers nowadays. Does God really have someone in store for you? Here are three ideas I'd like to share to help shed some light on that question and bring us to an understanding of God's plans and season for you.
Take the leap of faith
Prayer and faith are important, no doubt, but just as faith without actions is dead, desire without actions is no different. If we have a desire for marriage but are not willing to step out there, meet other people or to take the leap of faith of starting that conversation, asking for permission to courtship, saying yes to that permission to courtship or even entering a relationship, nothing will happen.
No, I am not implying that Bible-believing men and women should go on a "collect and select" spree, but to intentionally pray (prayer is still important), fast, build relationships, open their minds and get to know people of the opposite sex in the right context and with accountability. God will not make a spouse fall on your lap while you just sit around. And if you've done all these things, don't stop - and don't stress either. He calls us to take the necessary steps of faith to trust in Him but we should also enjoy the process as well because at the end of it, if nothing else, you might have made some really good friends along the way or figured out more about yourself, the meaning of Christian marriage, and what it is you are really looking for in a spouse, and all of those things in themselves are huge blessings to thank God for.
Let God overtake even your deepest desires
Just like any other desire and ideology, anything that goes beyond our desire for God's plans and timing has the danger of becoming an idol. A few years ago, God spurred a desire in my heart to finally purchase a home, but in the months that followed, my desire for a house overtook my desire for God. Bad move.
Has your desire for marriage overtaken your desire for God or for the things that God may want for you? Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." We may have all the desires, plans and even criteria, but our plans will never be as sustainable and desirable as God's desires for us.
Know that God wants the best for you
Jesus once spoke to a crowd about anxiety, birds and lilies (Matthew 6:25-34) making the point that if God can feed the birds and clothe the lilies, what's to stop Him from meeting our needs? Here's something we must embrace: Some of us do need spouses. Not for our own satisfaction and desire, but for God's satisfaction and desire.
Marriage was God's idea and it brings Him pleasure as much as it does for us. It is a stepping stone to the purposes of God in some of our lives. That said, it may also not be for some. The important thing is that we remain obedient and trustful to God that whatever He ordains is what is best for us. We can pursue relationship, purpose and desire outside of His will. God will not stop you if you force relationships and marriage, but it will not be as good, pleasing and perfect as His plans and could even be damaging to your faith and relationship with Him. Far better to be single and in close relationship with the Lord than in a relationship that hurts Him and by default, is hurting you too.
