How to forgive someone who's done something unforgivable?


As a person, you have your own standards of which offenses against you you would consider unforgivable. For some people, it is betrayal. For some, it is infidelity, while for others, it's lying. However unforgivable you consider something to be, we also have different ways to cope with the pain and forgive someone. But when your heart is so broken and hurt, how can you push yourself to forgive your offender?

The Pain

Pain is pain and whichever way you see it, it will still hurt you. Don't try to forget it, rather, acknowledge it. Yes, when you acknowledge it, the more hurt you'll feel, which is why some people choose to sweep the pain under the rug. You have to admit that you're hurting so you know that you have to heal through it.

At the same time, think while you're in pain. What exactly hurt you? How do you feel? What made you angry or sad? If you can talk to a Christian friend, that will be great. But if you're not yet comfortable doing that, you can write down your feelings in a journal, just so you can release them.

Called to Forgive

Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ. – Ephesians 4:31-32

God commands all Christians to forgive each other, but it's not that easy, right? It's also not an overnight thing. You can't just decide to forgive someone, you have to be ready for it. This is why acknowledging the pain is important, so you know that you have to forgive someone for hurting you.

Your heart may be cold like a stone right now. Don't keep it that way. Let God's words soften your heart and lead you to forgiveness. One of the critical things to remember is that God always forgives you. He is always merciful, so why can't you extend the same mercy to your offender?

Letting Go and Praying

What does it mean to forgive? It's not just telling someone "I forgive you" then it's a done deal. Again, it must come from your heart. When you say you forgive someone, this means that you no longer harbor anger, resentment, and pain in your heart. You have let go of the hurt and you are now in a better place.

This is a phase to acknowledge that you are refusing to hold on to the pain. You are ready to not think of the offense this person did to you. You no longer allow that incident to make you feel sad or angry.

But, what if your mind is ready to forgive and your heart still is not? This is why you have to pray to God. Ask God to help your heart heal and help you forgive someone. Surely, God will work with you.

Forgiveness is a process you cannot rush. It will be a humbling experience as you will definitely ask the Lord to help you with this. Don't wait for your offender to ask your forgiveness, not all offenders realize what they did and there's really no need to make you feel superior. The moment you realize that someone has hurt you and you're feeling resentment towards this person, this means you need to forgive this person for what he/she did. Bear in mind that the Lord delights in a forgiving heart.