My trainer asked me if I wanted to go to a local park and see a flight of stairs that professional UFC fighters train on. Of course I said, "Yes," but I knew there was more to it. So when we arrived, this is what I saw (see left). It looked like the road ahead of me. All uphill, intimidating and way over my head. So I tried to run up it and got about halfway before my lungs felt like they were going to burst.
You see with Multiple Myeloma Cancer, it deprives your bloodstream of vital oxygen and you lose your breath fairly quickly. The doctor said, "You can't push beyond it because there's nothing to push to until your blood gets healthier."
So with everyone who has donated to the Kickstarter (http://bit.ly/CarmanKickstarter) programme giving me an opportunity to record again, and with everything above the $200,000 mark going into the stage production, I'm now feeling very responsible to get healthy - so I can perform on tour and not pass out from lack of oxygen!
These stairs now represent writing 10 new songs, taking two handfuls of daily meds, going into the studio for 2 months, cleaning my blood cells, building up my cardio, planning out a tour for the first time in 13 years, having enough stamina to complete these tasks, and not failing everyone by relapsing - never allowing failure as an option.
These stairs represent my life. Everyday I stop by them and I try to run up, but somewhere in the course of that run, I can be found bent over with my hands on my knees gasping to inhale oxygen. It's such a lofty goal, the desired results have been set so high and just looking at that climb makes me want to quit. That is, until I hear the encouragements of so many who are pushing me forward, giving me strength with their words and prayers.
Just in the last few days on my Facebook page alone, Bob encourages, "…think of your song 'The Champion,' ...The day you feel like you can't go one step further is the same day breakthrough comes. Rise up mighty Champion! You were created for more!" Linda says, "This is so what you do, and powerfully! Your love and commitment to Jesus is salt and light! Praying for you and over the new songs and inspiration that God is giving you!" Kathy says, "Hold on to God, Carman. He will get you through and give you the strength you need to do your concerts." Daisy shares, "Signed up and waiting for the alert of when you will be in Pittsburgh! I'm supporting you no matter what Carman, and will continue to do so through prayer as well." Rhonda prays, "Lord strengthen my brother Carman's body and mind more and more each day. Thank you for his life. Amen."
These comments and so many more have been my lifeline. God bless all of you that have given me and my ministry new life.